Ten facts about my day:
1. Watched a movie trailer entitled "Donkey Punch". After watching said trailer, had to google Donkey Punch. CANNOT BELIEVE there is a movie based on that premise. Am done googling things for the rest of my life no matter how curious I get. Ever.
2. Bought Rosi Golan's debut album The Drifter and The Gypsy. She's a musical genius. Am currently looking for the sheet music to Come Around so that perhaps I can be a musical genius as well but probably not.
3. Filled out application for student teaching in London because WTF not.
4. Started reading Ayn Rand's 'Atlas Shrugged' last night because I couldn't sleep. Found out it's about trains. Stopped reading Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged' last night. Am English major failure.
5. Was told by a man at work today that I'm his favorite smile all day long. Felt great about that until I acknowledged the fact that he is an actual bum, finger less gloves and all and that I'm also probably the ONLY smile he gets all day. I'm also confused as to how he has a bank account, but whatever. I'm a sucker for compliments.
6. I watched the latest episode of 90210 on youtube tonight and officially hate those skinny bitches and their perfect lives. "Oh it's so hard living in California and being tan and this heat is such a pain in the ass, I might just have to wander around in a tube top and bikini bottom" blah blah blah. If 90210 is canceled next week due to bombing on set...I didn't do it.
I won't say I didn't pay someone to though.
7. I ate an entire bag of toffee covered popcorn in the parking lot of Silky's waiting for Sarelle to meet me for dinner and drinks this evening. My teeth hurt. I don't even like toffee popcorn. This is what happens when you get caught up in a ridiculous romantic paperback from a girlfriend in the back seat of your car during a snow storm for forty five minutes waiting for friends.
8. Attemtped "Atlas Shrugged" one more time because I'm no quitter! Still hate trains. Stopped reading....again.
9. Decided to go home this weekend. I miss my mom. I'm also hoping if I make the sad puppy dog face over the mess that is my life for long enough she'll take me out for ice cream and to look for new shoes. I need boots like you wouldn't believe. It will also be entertaining to see how big the actual puppies have gotten and more importantly, how much of my house is still standing. I don't really care about much more than my bed and remote. Devour the rest you scoundrels.
10. "I could run, I could run for the life of me. But where would that get me? Where would that lead? I'm a fool for waiting so long."
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
gross
Ugh.
There it is, since FB is stone. Eat it up kids, all my dirty laundry.
Better update when I'm feeling....better?
love.
There it is, since FB is stone. Eat it up kids, all my dirty laundry.
Better update when I'm feeling....better?
love.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
R.I.P.
Poor Miss. Cleo.
I am officially the WORST fish owner in the history of the world.
Maybe I need to try for something sturdier. Like a puppy. Or in my case, something REALLY sturdy.
Where do I get a T-Rex?
I am officially the WORST fish owner in the history of the world.
Maybe I need to try for something sturdier. Like a puppy. Or in my case, something REALLY sturdy.
Where do I get a T-Rex?
Saturday, December 27, 2008
I'm coming to terms, I'm starting to learn that this ain't all it's cracked up to be...
Alright kids, I hope everyone had as awesome of a holiday as I did. I can't believe it's almost over...I've got one day left in The Heights and I've gotta make sure I spend it wisely. So far, the cheese danish/coffee combo I had for breakfast and Pride and Prejudice with my mom and sister seems like a good start, but we'll see.
Christmas was amazing this year as my mother is fantastical and bought me a laptop. I don't even know how to use a laptop and I often times find myself on the verge of dropping it/stepping on it so we'll see how this goes. It's pretty though, red and shiny so that already decides how good it is, doesn't it? I think so.
Last night I hung out with the girls for the first time in like a year. Jill came to town so we met up at Mongo for some excellent dinner and then went to Bar Louie's for some drinks and had a Bazooka Joe shot which has made it's way onto "Ashley's List of Girly Shots She Won't Throw Up after Drinking" so that's always a plus. From there we somehow convinced her to go see Twilight during which Jill laughed her ass off at the terrible acting and graphics. Somehow that is the THIRD TIME i've seen that flick, which is really just sick. But whatevs, that kid is a dream boat and I would sit through any amount of garbage for hours on end just to hear him say the words "You are my life now" outloud and pretend he was saying it to me.
After that we hit up Rosie O'Grady's where the boys were a hot mess, we danced around like kids and I almost hit several of them in the parking lot on their walk home because boys are dumb and like to do stuff like that the age of 25...walk home at two in the morning for no freaking reason.
So now I'm looking forward to the New Year and trying to decide on some resolutions for myself. I submitted my book to The Key before the holidays and it doesn't look promising as I haven't heard back from them yet and I dunno, I'm just pretty sure I'm not cut out for their caliber of writing. I'm realizing now that maybe I'm out of my league with my topic and my style but I guess that doesn't mean I should give up. If and when they turn down my manuscript I'm just gonna start from scratch. Write about something i really know and maybe that will work better for me. Not that anyone cares, just felt like I should put something down in words to remind myself never to give up. Giving up is for suckers.
Fun Facts:
1. Job interview in March in NYC (scream here of excitement) for a teaching position for next fall. Too bad that the job is actually in L.A. and I don't know if I could ever actually see myself moving all the way out there alone just for a job but who knows. It would suck to have to leave everyone behind, including Scott and Pittsburgh of course, but I figure I have my whole life to live in one place near friends and family and what not and what I really need to do now is figure out what I'm doing for me. Teaching has to be in my future because, hello, I'm a genius and need to spread the love. Since Michigan is a black hole of employment and Pennsylvania and the entire midwest is basically the same, i just have to follow the jobs. Wish me luck. If nothing else, it will make for an awesome weekend in The City with Kel and Beth where I'm sure if theres a Jimmy Johns in the vicinity, we'll have one hell of a time.
2. We got two puppies for Christmas. The real obstacle is discovering whether or not they've eaten my entire house by the time I make it back for a visit. Their names are Bridgette and Barnum and they're ridiculously cute and they use that to their advantage like black magic for their mischief. Those eyes and rolly polly bellies suck you in to submission where in the next moment you'll discover they've inhaled four house plants and your power cord for your brand new laptop. yay!
3. Ray Lamontagne's CD "Gossip in the Grain" is so mystical I actually weep when I hear it. Find someone you love and that loves to dance and play "You are the best thing" really loudly while swinging about the livingroom. It reminds you what love is. It reminds me of Beth and Kel.
Alright my sister got The Magic Bullet for Christmas (not exactly what I thought it was going to be when my mom said she bought it for her...moved passed the horror, found out it's a kitchen appliance. thank gawd) and she's going to whip me up an omelette and a smoothie while I stand at the kitchen counter like I'm in an infomercial, telling her the entire time there's no way one little machine can make us so many things. We're also going to crush macadamia nuts in thirty seconds or less into a fine powder. just cause we can.
Christmas was amazing this year as my mother is fantastical and bought me a laptop. I don't even know how to use a laptop and I often times find myself on the verge of dropping it/stepping on it so we'll see how this goes. It's pretty though, red and shiny so that already decides how good it is, doesn't it? I think so.
Last night I hung out with the girls for the first time in like a year. Jill came to town so we met up at Mongo for some excellent dinner and then went to Bar Louie's for some drinks and had a Bazooka Joe shot which has made it's way onto "Ashley's List of Girly Shots She Won't Throw Up after Drinking" so that's always a plus. From there we somehow convinced her to go see Twilight during which Jill laughed her ass off at the terrible acting and graphics. Somehow that is the THIRD TIME i've seen that flick, which is really just sick. But whatevs, that kid is a dream boat and I would sit through any amount of garbage for hours on end just to hear him say the words "You are my life now" outloud and pretend he was saying it to me.
After that we hit up Rosie O'Grady's where the boys were a hot mess, we danced around like kids and I almost hit several of them in the parking lot on their walk home because boys are dumb and like to do stuff like that the age of 25...walk home at two in the morning for no freaking reason.
So now I'm looking forward to the New Year and trying to decide on some resolutions for myself. I submitted my book to The Key before the holidays and it doesn't look promising as I haven't heard back from them yet and I dunno, I'm just pretty sure I'm not cut out for their caliber of writing. I'm realizing now that maybe I'm out of my league with my topic and my style but I guess that doesn't mean I should give up. If and when they turn down my manuscript I'm just gonna start from scratch. Write about something i really know and maybe that will work better for me. Not that anyone cares, just felt like I should put something down in words to remind myself never to give up. Giving up is for suckers.
Fun Facts:
1. Job interview in March in NYC (scream here of excitement) for a teaching position for next fall. Too bad that the job is actually in L.A. and I don't know if I could ever actually see myself moving all the way out there alone just for a job but who knows. It would suck to have to leave everyone behind, including Scott and Pittsburgh of course, but I figure I have my whole life to live in one place near friends and family and what not and what I really need to do now is figure out what I'm doing for me. Teaching has to be in my future because, hello, I'm a genius and need to spread the love. Since Michigan is a black hole of employment and Pennsylvania and the entire midwest is basically the same, i just have to follow the jobs. Wish me luck. If nothing else, it will make for an awesome weekend in The City with Kel and Beth where I'm sure if theres a Jimmy Johns in the vicinity, we'll have one hell of a time.
2. We got two puppies for Christmas. The real obstacle is discovering whether or not they've eaten my entire house by the time I make it back for a visit. Their names are Bridgette and Barnum and they're ridiculously cute and they use that to their advantage like black magic for their mischief. Those eyes and rolly polly bellies suck you in to submission where in the next moment you'll discover they've inhaled four house plants and your power cord for your brand new laptop. yay!
3. Ray Lamontagne's CD "Gossip in the Grain" is so mystical I actually weep when I hear it. Find someone you love and that loves to dance and play "You are the best thing" really loudly while swinging about the livingroom. It reminds you what love is. It reminds me of Beth and Kel.
Alright my sister got The Magic Bullet for Christmas (not exactly what I thought it was going to be when my mom said she bought it for her...moved passed the horror, found out it's a kitchen appliance. thank gawd) and she's going to whip me up an omelette and a smoothie while I stand at the kitchen counter like I'm in an infomercial, telling her the entire time there's no way one little machine can make us so many things. We're also going to crush macadamia nuts in thirty seconds or less into a fine powder. just cause we can.
Monday, December 08, 2008
"We're no longer Sonic Death Monkey.We're on the verge of becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive but for tonight we are Barry Jive and his Uptown five"
I'm feeling very Nick Horby/Rob Gordon this afternoon which is why I've decided before I enlighten you with the crapfest that is my existence, I'll give you my top five favorite movies of all times and why. Aren't you glad you blog with the best?
1. Life as a House because, hello, I measure movies strictly on their ability to make me cry my freakin eyes out and this one takes the cake. Man finds out he has cancer. Man tricks son into loving him again while building a house together. Man leaves son a better man. I don't know the genius behind such a movie script but I want to have his babies. Not only that, this movie made me want to be a man, have cancer, have a son AND build a house. It's unreal. Plus the band Guster is all over this movie like you wouldn't believe, they even name the dog Guster and Hayden Christiansen is so angsty it makes my eyeballs ring black. Awesome. Rent it. Cry your eyes out. Thank God we live in a time where Kevin Kline melts our hearts.
2. The Little Princess. This is strictly my father's fault, as odd as that sounds. He went on this kick when i was like ten where he would take me to the video store and convinced me that Shirley Temple movies were the thing to be watching instead of Macauley Culkin flicks, which, ok, he had a point. She is adorable in this film and while the foreign guy next door with the parrot and the monkey kind of freaked me out for a while, he totally pulled through in the end. All i'm saying is if I had a daughter and I died and my husband went away to war and 'died' and she was left as a penniless orphan in a girls home only to be found later by her father who hadn't actually died but just lost his memory and it's her love that brings him back to reality...i would want her to be like Shirley Temple.
3. Say Anything. Anybody who thinks that John Cusack isn't a stone fox in this movie with a boom box over his head playing Peter Gabriel sap is nuts. "I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen". UGH. Isn't that the epitome of everyones entire love life ever? Isn't it always you giving and someone not giving back what you really need in return? Breaks me. Teaches her to drive (way sexier than having your father teach you outside your dance studio, still in tap shoes, on a monday at like 9 pm when all you can think about is dinner and not wearing a leotard). Tells her father the only plans for his life is to spend as much time with her as possible. (Thats it! Who needs any other plans when youre hopelessly in love?!) And he loves to kick box. That last one doesnt really matter as much but whatever, John Cusack is a dream boat.
4. Drop Dead Fred. I think i love this one because it's terrible. I can't even think of a single positive thing to say about it except that it cracks me up to no end. Vulgar invisible best friend comes back to teach a grown woman that she hasn't out grown him really and needs him now more than ever. The guy looks like Chucky in adult human form, rubs boogers on everything and calls pubic hair "cobwebs". For some reason my parents let me watch this as a kid but I think i'm a well rounded individual because of it. I'm also extremely jealous of anyone who ever had an imaginary friend. Rent it if you can even find it and get ready for some mindless entertainment.
5. Nine Months. Ok, this one just recently made the list because i got to watch it on tv. Normally I'm not a Julianne Moore fan only because recently she's been doing some weird ass films like Blind. Hugh Grant, however, has the capability to make me fall in love with whatever asshat character he's playing, including this guy who is terrified his long term girlfriend becomes pregnant. Not very original, for obvious "we are talking about a man here" reasons but Tom Arnold and Joan Cusack are like the most bizarre best friend couple you could think to put together and Robin Williams is the ape obstetrician from another country constantly screwing things up with an accent. I love Robin Williams accents.
The thing that made me fall in love was the end. Hugh Grant, in this RIDICULOUSLY VALIANT effort for his now wife gets up in the middle of the night with their crying baby. She goes into the livingroom and finds them swaying to Van Morrison's "These are the Days" and he looks to her and says in his freaking adorable british accent:
"I thought we'd have a bit of a dahnce."
(spelled so you can get the full effect of dahnce british accent hunkiness.)
bit of a dance? If i woke up in the middle of the night to find my usually screaming baby and dream boat husband in the living room dancing to freaking van morrison's greatest song ever and he said they were having 'just a bit of a dance' i would lose my mind.
sigh. now i dont even have the energy to do any of my homework or writing stuff.
WHICH is going weirdly well recently. The Key Publishing called me back and the lady was so nice and she set me up with one of their other novelists to get some more research done for my book. The thing i need most right now is an interview with a Sudanese or Darfur refugee (and no kel, i dont think 1-800-undergroundrailroad is really gonna work on this one) so if anyone has any ideas how i can get ahold of one, even if it's only via phone I would be eternally grateful.
dinner time. and by dinner i mean kix cereal.
1. Life as a House because, hello, I measure movies strictly on their ability to make me cry my freakin eyes out and this one takes the cake. Man finds out he has cancer. Man tricks son into loving him again while building a house together. Man leaves son a better man. I don't know the genius behind such a movie script but I want to have his babies. Not only that, this movie made me want to be a man, have cancer, have a son AND build a house. It's unreal. Plus the band Guster is all over this movie like you wouldn't believe, they even name the dog Guster and Hayden Christiansen is so angsty it makes my eyeballs ring black. Awesome. Rent it. Cry your eyes out. Thank God we live in a time where Kevin Kline melts our hearts.
2. The Little Princess. This is strictly my father's fault, as odd as that sounds. He went on this kick when i was like ten where he would take me to the video store and convinced me that Shirley Temple movies were the thing to be watching instead of Macauley Culkin flicks, which, ok, he had a point. She is adorable in this film and while the foreign guy next door with the parrot and the monkey kind of freaked me out for a while, he totally pulled through in the end. All i'm saying is if I had a daughter and I died and my husband went away to war and 'died' and she was left as a penniless orphan in a girls home only to be found later by her father who hadn't actually died but just lost his memory and it's her love that brings him back to reality...i would want her to be like Shirley Temple.
3. Say Anything. Anybody who thinks that John Cusack isn't a stone fox in this movie with a boom box over his head playing Peter Gabriel sap is nuts. "I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen". UGH. Isn't that the epitome of everyones entire love life ever? Isn't it always you giving and someone not giving back what you really need in return? Breaks me. Teaches her to drive (way sexier than having your father teach you outside your dance studio, still in tap shoes, on a monday at like 9 pm when all you can think about is dinner and not wearing a leotard). Tells her father the only plans for his life is to spend as much time with her as possible. (Thats it! Who needs any other plans when youre hopelessly in love?!) And he loves to kick box. That last one doesnt really matter as much but whatever, John Cusack is a dream boat.
4. Drop Dead Fred. I think i love this one because it's terrible. I can't even think of a single positive thing to say about it except that it cracks me up to no end. Vulgar invisible best friend comes back to teach a grown woman that she hasn't out grown him really and needs him now more than ever. The guy looks like Chucky in adult human form, rubs boogers on everything and calls pubic hair "cobwebs". For some reason my parents let me watch this as a kid but I think i'm a well rounded individual because of it. I'm also extremely jealous of anyone who ever had an imaginary friend. Rent it if you can even find it and get ready for some mindless entertainment.
5. Nine Months. Ok, this one just recently made the list because i got to watch it on tv. Normally I'm not a Julianne Moore fan only because recently she's been doing some weird ass films like Blind. Hugh Grant, however, has the capability to make me fall in love with whatever asshat character he's playing, including this guy who is terrified his long term girlfriend becomes pregnant. Not very original, for obvious "we are talking about a man here" reasons but Tom Arnold and Joan Cusack are like the most bizarre best friend couple you could think to put together and Robin Williams is the ape obstetrician from another country constantly screwing things up with an accent. I love Robin Williams accents.
The thing that made me fall in love was the end. Hugh Grant, in this RIDICULOUSLY VALIANT effort for his now wife gets up in the middle of the night with their crying baby. She goes into the livingroom and finds them swaying to Van Morrison's "These are the Days" and he looks to her and says in his freaking adorable british accent:
"I thought we'd have a bit of a dahnce."
(spelled so you can get the full effect of dahnce british accent hunkiness.)
bit of a dance? If i woke up in the middle of the night to find my usually screaming baby and dream boat husband in the living room dancing to freaking van morrison's greatest song ever and he said they were having 'just a bit of a dance' i would lose my mind.
sigh. now i dont even have the energy to do any of my homework or writing stuff.
WHICH is going weirdly well recently. The Key Publishing called me back and the lady was so nice and she set me up with one of their other novelists to get some more research done for my book. The thing i need most right now is an interview with a Sudanese or Darfur refugee (and no kel, i dont think 1-800-undergroundrailroad is really gonna work on this one) so if anyone has any ideas how i can get ahold of one, even if it's only via phone I would be eternally grateful.
dinner time. and by dinner i mean kix cereal.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Due to high demand
I feel like a rock star. Well...a rock writer. Seriously, kids, who knew life in pittsburgh so flipping glamorous? I love that you've bothered me to update you though...it proves I'm not the only one with a strict four website rotation daily and in need of anything new, regardless of the crap it contains.
The latest and greatest didn't even happen in Pittsburgh, but in Minneapolis where Beth and I met up with Kelley last weekend. Simply put it was awesome. Well, ok, it did not start out awesome. It started out with Delta getting me to a gate 15 minutes early but refusing to let me off my plane to make my connection, MISSING my connection after running through the airport with seven strangers like a scene right out of home alone and then crying profusely like a big blubbering idiot at customer service. Luckily, this old lady from Savannah, Georgia, that I sat with on my first flight came out of nowhere like an angel and saved me. Because no one in customer service could understand a flipping thing i was saying in between broken sobs of "minneapolis.....minneapolis...." she had to talk for me and succeeded in getting me a different flight first thing the next morning, a free hotel and free food without my having to say a thing. It was awesome, I don't know if there's like an old lady mafia but if there is, she's the god....mother or whatever.
So the next morning I land in Minneapolis at 7:30 and the girls, bright eyed and bushy tailed (hung over from a wine night of giggling) get me, get bagels, take me to the mall of America, take a group nap on kelley's floor and proceed to our halloween destinations. I was Sarah Palin because, seriously....is there anyone else in the world more horrifying? Beth was the sexiest red riding hood I've seen in my life ("um....beth = gorgeous" I believe is the text message we came across during our evening out) and Kelley was decked out as Cleopatra complete with fake eyelashes that glued themselves to everything BUT her eyes on our way out the door. We spent the night running all over Minneapolis, waving and calling out "Drill baby drill" to strangers and ended the night with beth basically asleep on a side walk, our thirteenth jimmy john sandwiches in hand since we arrived in the city. It was a freakin awesome halloween.
It was so great to see them, i seriously had no idea how much I missed them until I saw their faces. Don't get me wrong, we were exhausted....running on approximately twelve hours of sleep the entire weekend and subject to hysterical fits of laughing at nothing in particular in dollar stores ( who knew they sold pregnancy tests? For a dollar...what is that, like, 14% accuracy?) but still....well worth the two and a half days spent in one another's company. My future goal, when I'm Oprah Rich, is to get us all living in the same city.
Now I'm back. My sister has forced me into the Twilight series like a true loser , I'm getting my first semester of school FINISHED with and working my butt off. I'm also working on finishing up my book and will begin the prostitution process known as publishing hopefully in the near future if I dont kill myself from the infinite number of rejection letters I receive in the mail.
And one last shout out to Barack Obama because, seriously...how amazing. Way to go America. I was seriously doubting, for a minute there due to some of the outlandish things I was hearing, that we might not be progressive enough to get the job done but I'm continually amazed and impressed with our abilities to move forward as a collective unit.
The latest and greatest didn't even happen in Pittsburgh, but in Minneapolis where Beth and I met up with Kelley last weekend. Simply put it was awesome. Well, ok, it did not start out awesome. It started out with Delta getting me to a gate 15 minutes early but refusing to let me off my plane to make my connection, MISSING my connection after running through the airport with seven strangers like a scene right out of home alone and then crying profusely like a big blubbering idiot at customer service. Luckily, this old lady from Savannah, Georgia, that I sat with on my first flight came out of nowhere like an angel and saved me. Because no one in customer service could understand a flipping thing i was saying in between broken sobs of "minneapolis.....minneapolis...." she had to talk for me and succeeded in getting me a different flight first thing the next morning, a free hotel and free food without my having to say a thing. It was awesome, I don't know if there's like an old lady mafia but if there is, she's the god....mother or whatever.
So the next morning I land in Minneapolis at 7:30 and the girls, bright eyed and bushy tailed (hung over from a wine night of giggling) get me, get bagels, take me to the mall of America, take a group nap on kelley's floor and proceed to our halloween destinations. I was Sarah Palin because, seriously....is there anyone else in the world more horrifying? Beth was the sexiest red riding hood I've seen in my life ("um....beth = gorgeous" I believe is the text message we came across during our evening out) and Kelley was decked out as Cleopatra complete with fake eyelashes that glued themselves to everything BUT her eyes on our way out the door. We spent the night running all over Minneapolis, waving and calling out "Drill baby drill" to strangers and ended the night with beth basically asleep on a side walk, our thirteenth jimmy john sandwiches in hand since we arrived in the city. It was a freakin awesome halloween.
It was so great to see them, i seriously had no idea how much I missed them until I saw their faces. Don't get me wrong, we were exhausted....running on approximately twelve hours of sleep the entire weekend and subject to hysterical fits of laughing at nothing in particular in dollar stores ( who knew they sold pregnancy tests? For a dollar...what is that, like, 14% accuracy?) but still....well worth the two and a half days spent in one another's company. My future goal, when I'm Oprah Rich, is to get us all living in the same city.
Now I'm back. My sister has forced me into the Twilight series like a true loser , I'm getting my first semester of school FINISHED with and working my butt off. I'm also working on finishing up my book and will begin the prostitution process known as publishing hopefully in the near future if I dont kill myself from the infinite number of rejection letters I receive in the mail.
And one last shout out to Barack Obama because, seriously...how amazing. Way to go America. I was seriously doubting, for a minute there due to some of the outlandish things I was hearing, that we might not be progressive enough to get the job done but I'm continually amazed and impressed with our abilities to move forward as a collective unit.