Monday, December 08, 2008

"We're no longer Sonic Death Monkey.We're on the verge of becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive but for tonight we are Barry Jive and his Uptown five"

I'm feeling very Nick Horby/Rob Gordon this afternoon which is why I've decided before I enlighten you with the crapfest that is my existence, I'll give you my top five favorite movies of all times and why. Aren't you glad you blog with the best?

1. Life as a House because, hello, I measure movies strictly on their ability to make me cry my freakin eyes out and this one takes the cake. Man finds out he has cancer. Man tricks son into loving him again while building a house together. Man leaves son a better man. I don't know the genius behind such a movie script but I want to have his babies. Not only that, this movie made me want to be a man, have cancer, have a son AND build a house. It's unreal. Plus the band Guster is all over this movie like you wouldn't believe, they even name the dog Guster and Hayden Christiansen is so angsty it makes my eyeballs ring black. Awesome. Rent it. Cry your eyes out. Thank God we live in a time where Kevin Kline melts our hearts.

2. The Little Princess. This is strictly my father's fault, as odd as that sounds. He went on this kick when i was like ten where he would take me to the video store and convinced me that Shirley Temple movies were the thing to be watching instead of Macauley Culkin flicks, which, ok, he had a point. She is adorable in this film and while the foreign guy next door with the parrot and the monkey kind of freaked me out for a while, he totally pulled through in the end. All i'm saying is if I had a daughter and I died and my husband went away to war and 'died' and she was left as a penniless orphan in a girls home only to be found later by her father who hadn't actually died but just lost his memory and it's her love that brings him back to reality...i would want her to be like Shirley Temple.

3. Say Anything. Anybody who thinks that John Cusack isn't a stone fox in this movie with a boom box over his head playing Peter Gabriel sap is nuts. "I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen". UGH. Isn't that the epitome of everyones entire love life ever? Isn't it always you giving and someone not giving back what you really need in return? Breaks me. Teaches her to drive (way sexier than having your father teach you outside your dance studio, still in tap shoes, on a monday at like 9 pm when all you can think about is dinner and not wearing a leotard). Tells her father the only plans for his life is to spend as much time with her as possible. (Thats it! Who needs any other plans when youre hopelessly in love?!) And he loves to kick box. That last one doesnt really matter as much but whatever, John Cusack is a dream boat.

4. Drop Dead Fred. I think i love this one because it's terrible. I can't even think of a single positive thing to say about it except that it cracks me up to no end. Vulgar invisible best friend comes back to teach a grown woman that she hasn't out grown him really and needs him now more than ever. The guy looks like Chucky in adult human form, rubs boogers on everything and calls pubic hair "cobwebs". For some reason my parents let me watch this as a kid but I think i'm a well rounded individual because of it. I'm also extremely jealous of anyone who ever had an imaginary friend. Rent it if you can even find it and get ready for some mindless entertainment.

5. Nine Months. Ok, this one just recently made the list because i got to watch it on tv. Normally I'm not a Julianne Moore fan only because recently she's been doing some weird ass films like Blind. Hugh Grant, however, has the capability to make me fall in love with whatever asshat character he's playing, including this guy who is terrified his long term girlfriend becomes pregnant. Not very original, for obvious "we are talking about a man here" reasons but Tom Arnold and Joan Cusack are like the most bizarre best friend couple you could think to put together and Robin Williams is the ape obstetrician from another country constantly screwing things up with an accent. I love Robin Williams accents.
The thing that made me fall in love was the end. Hugh Grant, in this RIDICULOUSLY VALIANT effort for his now wife gets up in the middle of the night with their crying baby. She goes into the livingroom and finds them swaying to Van Morrison's "These are the Days" and he looks to her and says in his freaking adorable british accent:
"I thought we'd have a bit of a dahnce."
(spelled so you can get the full effect of dahnce british accent hunkiness.)

bit of a dance? If i woke up in the middle of the night to find my usually screaming baby and dream boat husband in the living room dancing to freaking van morrison's greatest song ever and he said they were having 'just a bit of a dance' i would lose my mind.

sigh. now i dont even have the energy to do any of my homework or writing stuff.
WHICH is going weirdly well recently. The Key Publishing called me back and the lady was so nice and she set me up with one of their other novelists to get some more research done for my book. The thing i need most right now is an interview with a Sudanese or Darfur refugee (and no kel, i dont think 1-800-undergroundrailroad is really gonna work on this one) so if anyone has any ideas how i can get ahold of one, even if it's only via phone I would be eternally grateful.

dinner time. and by dinner i mean kix cereal.

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