Today started out so lovely. I slept in. I got up and ate pizza for breakfast. I put on four day dirty clothes for optimal comfort and took up permanent residence on the couch with an orange juice to watch Sixteen Candles from start to finish, which, let's face it, never gets to happen. Always, ALWAYS, I turn on the television to catch it at the part where the Asian kid and his body-building girlfriend are on the exercise machine and while that's entertaining, it always irks me that I have missed my favorite part already - the school dance.
So I'm sitting, sipping, enjoying and my phone buzzes to let me know I have a text message and OF COURSE it's my mother who states the following:
i got a new phone with a keyboard! for more texting!
And I don't want to admit that I did this but let's just get it out there. I groaned OUT LOUD to myself the same way you might groan when you know that you have to start reading a manual for an electronic device or to build an IKEA bookshelf. It was SO LOUD. Exhaustingly loud, epically loud, "I'll bet they're going to make me read these directions in Spanish" loud and this is why.
The first text message my mother ever sent me was "Tori Spelling looks like a horse" and believe it or not, they have only gotten more absurd since that first one! Always with the questions and the useless information and suddenly, with a keyboard at her fingertips she is going to be worse than the mother on Everybody Loves Raymond who lives right next door because who needs geographical convenience when technology can make it seem like she's sitting right next to you ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIME TEXTING EASILY.
The best part is she doesn't even wait for my 'oh so convenient' text reply and immediately calls me to inform me that her and my father are on their way to 7-11 straight from the phone store.
And don't I know that this phone is so neat because it looks just like a Blackberry without all the trouble of actually having to BE a Blackberry with all that 'extra junk I don't want to pay for anyway' and do I want to add someone to their circle of friends for unlimited calling (sidenote: the moment I realized I had no one to add because I only ever consistently talk WITH MY MOTHER) and the best news of all DAD GOT A BLUE TOOTH.
So if you go to your local 7-11 this morning for a Big Gulp and a Slim Jim and you see two individuals sitting confusedly in the front seat of a TrailBlazer, one of which is sliding her phone open and shut with sheer amazement like a toddler who has just discovered its hands and the other, with sweatpants undoubtedly up to his armpits, wearing a Blue Tooth headset but talking to no one at all, just enjoying the feel of it on his head: Yes. Fine. Those are my parents.
And don't FOR A SECOND start to think you should feel bad for me. Because it's quite possible that the couple in the next minivan over struggling with an iPod and whatever the heck these fancy mp3's might be, are your parents.
