Today was super weird

Let's start off with the fact that I watched approximately forty seconds of Rock of Love: Season 651816 because clearly the man is milking this until he dies. Now, obviously, I'm stupider due to this forty seconds. It's like oxygen deprivation. I watched one chick work her magic on a stripper pole and WILL never be the same.

Also, I was watching reruns of That 70's show while cleaning my apartment today and suddenly, I obsessed....I mean OBSESSED with Danny Masterson. More specifically, why him and Donna never worked out in season one. I wish I could go back to 1998...er, rather, 1973 and help them figure that out. Him, his curly hair and those awesome sunglasses are adorable and she needs to Recognize (with finger snap and 'tude).

Lastly, I was surfing the net at work, per the usual, and came across The Giraffe Hotel. Thus inspired the top ten places in my life right this second I would give anything to see before I die. Ahem.

1. The Giraffe Hotel. Duh. They wander the hotel grounds in Africa and STICK THEIR HEADS IN THE DINING ROOM WHILE YOU ARE EATING. Steal your biscuits. They like...hang out all around and you can stand next to them like it's totally normal to be hanging out with 18 feet tall creatures (googledit). I need to get to Kenya pronto.

2. J.D. Salinger's house in New Hampshire. Did anyone else know he's still alive? HE IS. How ridiculous is that? He's like in his nineties, apparently completely off his rocker and hiding out in some quiet town. I need to get there. I need him to sign my terrible copy of The Catcher in the Rye and straight up ask him why Holden is such a whiney baby. Run away before I get slapped. Sell my autographed copy for 2.5 million dollars. Use that money to get...to the Giraffe Hotel in Kenya.

3. Make Your Own Muppet stop in FAO Schwarz, NY. Clearly that one need no explanation.

4. Greece. Just in general. I've seen Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 1 & 2. I know how beautiful it is. The place AND Kostos.

5. California Wine Country. With Beth and Kelley. And, obviously, a designated driver. (I just noticed that Make your own Muppet hit the list before Greece and while I'm a little embarassed, there will be no editing. I want what I want.)

6. The Boston Public Library. Is that super lame? I don't even care. That place would be my Mecca and I would die from overwhelming happiness. Also, it turns out that I steal from libraries a lot more often than I should. Not on purpose. I'm just forgetful. Since I never plan on living in Boston and giving them my contact information for a borrower's card, this should make that feat a lot easier. Just need ski mask which is not at all suspicious.

7. The Alexander Palace in Russia. I am a COLOSSAL dork and ever since reading The Kitchen Boy like two years ago am weirdly obsessed with the last Royal Tsar of Russia and his family. I don't even know why I just admitted that. Seriously, the last place the family lived has recently been reopened in certain sections to the public and I would love to see it. I don't even know why. This is my loser equivalent to being a Trekky or something. I don't care. I <3 Anastasia.

8. Cereality Cafe. This is all Beth's fault. She told me about a restaurant that you can go and create your own cereal concoction for your dining pleasure. Apparently the one in Chicago is closed now or I would be on the first train there with her to stalk it down and enjoy some Lucky Charms. Alas, I believe Philadelphia and The Best Breakfast of My Life is in the near future.

9. Jon and Kate Plus Eights new house in eastern Pennsylvania complete with screaming Kate, oblivious Jon and eight wild children. I think, technically, showing up there would be considered a crime and therefore this, much like the Boston Public Library, will require some stealth. I just want to SEE the kids in person. I'll explode from their cuteness and get the F out.

10. The Michigan Theater in Ann Arbor. April 19th most specifically. Will have to work on convincing someone to do that with me. Must be a responsible individual as I will need them to mop up my melted remains at the end of the evening, put me in a ziploc bag and hand me over to my mom in one piece. Ray in Real Life Recovery should last 7-10 days.

ok, time to catch the end of Jeopardy and pretend to do homework while really surfing the net for the seasons of That 70's Show I don't currently own. Danny Masterson, why do you toy with my heart??