I wish I had a video camera to capture all of the ridiculous conversations I had today between substitute teaching and the daycare and the wonder that is Michigan driving in between. Since I did not, you will just have to enjoy it via blog. Ahem.
Student 1: My stupid ACT told me I was going to be a truck driver!
Student 2: Wow, that sucks.
Student 1: Yeah, just cause I said I liked to drive?
Student 2: Seriously. I mean, what if you wanted to be a taxi cab driver or something?
Child: I'm driving a car!
Me: You are?! Where are you going?
Child: Home Depot!
Me: What are you gonna get at Home Depot?
Child: Oh, steaks and chicken.
Me: At Home Depot?
Child:Yeah!
Me: Don't you mean Walmart?
Child:...Oh Crap. (slaps forehead)
and my FAVORITE conversation of the day....
Officer: Do you know how fast you were going?
Me: I dont know, forty? Was I speeding? HOW is that speeding?
Officer: You were going 38. In a 25.
Me: O-M-F-G you have got to be kidding me.
Officer: This isn't a joke, license and registration please...I wrote you a ticket for 5 over but ma'am, you need to SLOW DOWN.
IS HE KIDDING ME?? He said it like such a freaking warning. LIke, "Geez lady I can't believe you had the nerve to put the pedal to the metal on this random side road that you assumed was a 35 mph zone and were weirdly mistaken and therefore booked it through at a WHOPPING 39, the speed that Lance Armstrong could bicycle at on a bad day, you're SUCH a twat."
I've also just realized that the other conversations during my day should have been a premonition that driving was out of the question as they, too, had to deal with driving cars. I'm looking up the bus schedule as we speak. Not so that I can use it. So that I can give it to the next police officer who pulls me over that I go bat-shit crazy. After such a break-through "crazy lady" scene I'm going to physically puncture holes in his tires with my bare teeth and then, after a curtsy, hand him the bus schedule because his ass will need a way to get home.
