The following conversation happened on my facebook today. Please observe the madness that is the female mind that all began because I cannot bring myself to buy a horrendously expensive pair of boots without Kelley's opinion and asked for her said opinion last night,which prompted the following:
you bring up an inner dilemma i face often. the ankle boot. am i a fan? absolutely not. are they cute on some? yes. most? no. i feel like in order to pull them off you must A. be on a runway (read: pole thin and pasty white and attractive in a bizarrely unattractive way) or B. be pole thin and mega trendy and pasty and have a super angular haircut that looks stupid, except on you and be attractive in a bizarrely unattractive way.
when paired properly they posses an almost mythical power to look AMAZING, but in general i hatey hate hate.
sorry to kill your dreams love. ps i'm gonna be there in like, two weeks...can you even handle that????
of course, because when one of us cries out in pain, another will answer and the third will feel it in her bones that there are happenings going on without her like a witch of Eastwick, so Beth decided to throw in her two cents:
The elusive ankle boot....it's always just out of reach.
ps. love.
followed four minutes later by:
Ok sorry I just actually LOOKED at the boots on Kelley's wall.
If you're not buying them I am.
Actually, would you mind if we both had them?
They are too amazing NOT to look perfect on us, no?
So, of course, I'm torn between my girls like a lover between Edward and Jacob. TO BOOT OR NOT TO BOOT FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS? I love them but HELP ME OUT HERE.
And then, just to make matters a little more interesting, Kelley followed up:
now i feel like the evil boot hater. i'm sorry, i wasn't implying they wouldn't look good on YOU (or Beth...you too love)...just that they're tricky. when wrong...it's like the Canklites from Caklonia (it's a real live place i swear) knocked on the door of whomever got them wrong, schmucked them over the head tied them down and inserted a bike tire pump into their calves and pumped until the ankle region is as large as their knees and left them to wallow in their cankle-ness. that's all. :) not that they find EVERYONE...just those who are unaware of their existence is all.
If you think you're confused, please just go ahead and ask me how long I spent trying to do research on a place called Caklonia and THEN ask me how long I spent sitting on my bed with my feet stretched out before me, one sock on and one sock off asking my cat "these aren't cankles, right?" before giving up all together and opting for ice cream with my sister. Clearly THAT will solve all of my cankle problems.
I'm no closer to boot problem when I see the girls have taken the conversation into their own hands by posting on Beth's wall:
PS...your hair is black again?!?!? how did i not know about this??? i feel like you just told me you went off cheese.
HELLO?? WHO THE FUCK IS GOING TO HELP ME WITH THE BOOT PROBLEM? BETH RESPONDS:
It's not black, really...its actually the EXACT color of Ashley's right now. We were at dinner last week and realized that we are hair twins. Those last pictures that were posted were taken the day I got my color refreshed, which in fact makes it look much darker than it actually is.
I would never color my hair black, or go off cheese, without informing you.
Absolutely can't wait to see you holy crap.
If you can picture me sighing heavily in exasperation, please do so. Yes, yes, we are ADORABLE hair twins and thank Jesus no one in my immediate group of friends has stopped eating cheese. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THE BOOTS. YAY OR NAY.
I love my girls a retarded amount. Only that love will carry me through the fact that not only am I questioning the size of my ankles because of them or the ankle boot as a whole, but also the serious repercussions of eating cheese and having black hair. I'm pretty sure I love cheese. I'm also pretty sure I've been so close to black at times I could have been Morticia Addams. Were these mistakes?! What else am I possibly doing wrong? WHERE IS CAKLONIA?!
To top it all off Bill Clinton went and got that Asian actresses' journalist sister from North Korea today and I couldn't help but be all "fantastic for you B.C. but I hope you scoured a few of their terrible, rat infested, sweat smelling gonorrhea breeding prisons for some other equally innocent American citizens before your photo op. and run back to the states," because...I KNOW I should be happy. He did a good thing. A great thing. And if she hadn't been related to the Asian actress with the great ass who starred in Kill Bill opposite Uma Thurman I doubt she would have been rescued at all. And that, my friends, is what I like to call: horse shit.
Someone please remind me politics and cheese should never go in the same blog post.
