Joy to the World

I was digging through my mom's mail the other day and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Frankly, my mail is boring. Yesterday I literally received a map of the U.S. in an envelope asking me to donate to some sort of wildlife fund and I was so excited about getting free stuff, I almost wet myself AND gave my entire life savings to the Polar Bears. I mean, this was even better than the time I got free baby formula in the mail and that was an INTERESTING day...both in the "Gifts I didn't expect to receive" and "How do I explain something like this to my mother?" categories.

Moving on. Whilst digging through her mail I realized that the madness that is Christmas Card exchanging has already begun. AND THAT reminded me of last year and how she pre-ordered hand selected cards with which she did not have to sign because our names were stamped on the inside.

I'm sorry, did I say OUR names? I meant to say, the names of my backstabbing rat faced family that did NOT put me on it. Apparently being 25 and still living at your parent's house isn't socially degrading enough...now I've been eliminated on the Christmas Card and have been replaced by our three labs (and if the hamster hadn't died so untimely, that bitch would have made it on there as well I guarantee you).

SO I've decided, fine. Be that way. I will make my OWN Christmas card this year and it will be so stinking fantastic you'll be jealous I didn't include YOU on the inside, let alone on my mailing list. Would you like a Christmas card from me? Let me know. I deny no one the gift of blessings during this glorious holiday season.

Fa-la-la-la-la-fa-fucking-la.....laaaaaaaaa.