"You're Gonna Need A Bigger Frame"

I don't need to remind any of you that I'm a Master these days. Completing something as fantastically wonderful as your Masters program gets you all kinds of cool perks. Your family lets you have the remote control more often because you can make executive decisions. You get better at playing Jeopardy when it comes on. The cat respects your personal space more at bedtime. Someone starts doing your laundry for you.

JUST KIDDING. None of that crap happens. And isn't it sad that I can acknowledge that happiness would come to me in leaps and bounds if only I could play more competently when Jeopardy came on or if someone would clean my underwear on a regular basis?

I didn't, however, get to go to my graduation ceremony last month when I received the title of MASTER. It's in Philadelphia and my family was busy and I had to work and trips to Philly don't just fly by the seat of your pants. Thus, I had to contact the school to have them mail my diploma to me. And Scott, in a moment of consideration and kindness, bought me a frame so that when it arrived I could hang it proudly on my wall and people could start to bow to it when they came for tea or to pay me their taxes. You know, the norm.

However, during one of my many crazy Spanish lessons my mother texted me several times with cryptic messages like:

"Where are you? Komos estas!?"

"You got something in the mail."

"What did you order online?"

"KOMO. ESTAS."

"I think it's your degree. You're...gonna need a bigger frame."

"Pick up Spaghetti on the way home. Pretend I said that in Spanish."

and so on and so forth. You can see my frustration at times towards whoever taught my mother to text.

Thanks for that, kind stranger. Truly. THANKS.

So I head home and pick up Spaghetti (in Spanish) and walk through the door and there she stands, smile on her face with what can only be described as the largest degree man kind has ever seen. Seriously, I don't think it's necessary, SJU. I appreciate the excitement and yes, now my mother who can't read close up anymore can actually tell what it says, except it's also IN LATIN.

THE WHOLE THING.




And you might think that the picture is a weird angle. I'm just holding it away from my body. It can't POSSIBLY be as large as her torso.

And that's where you would be wrong. Again. Don't worry about it. Before I became a master, I used to be wrong all the time.