Alright kids, I hope everyone had as awesome of a holiday as I did. I can't believe it's almost over...I've got one day left in The Heights and I've gotta make sure I spend it wisely. So far, the cheese danish/coffee combo I had for breakfast and Pride and Prejudice with my mom and sister seems like a good start, but we'll see.
Christmas was amazing this year as my mother is fantastical and bought me a laptop. I don't even know how to use a laptop and I often times find myself on the verge of dropping it/stepping on it so we'll see how this goes. It's pretty though, red and shiny so that already decides how good it is, doesn't it? I think so.
Last night I hung out with the girls for the first time in like a year. Jill came to town so we met up at Mongo for some excellent dinner and then went to Bar Louie's for some drinks and had a Bazooka Joe shot which has made it's way onto "Ashley's List of Girly Shots She Won't Throw Up after Drinking" so that's always a plus. From there we somehow convinced her to go see Twilight during which Jill laughed her ass off at the terrible acting and graphics. Somehow that is the THIRD TIME i've seen that flick, which is really just sick. But whatevs, that kid is a dream boat and I would sit through any amount of garbage for hours on end just to hear him say the words "You are my life now" outloud and pretend he was saying it to me.
After that we hit up Rosie O'Grady's where the boys were a hot mess, we danced around like kids and I almost hit several of them in the parking lot on their walk home because boys are dumb and like to do stuff like that the age of 25...walk home at two in the morning for no freaking reason.
So now I'm looking forward to the New Year and trying to decide on some resolutions for myself. I submitted my book to The Key before the holidays and it doesn't look promising as I haven't heard back from them yet and I dunno, I'm just pretty sure I'm not cut out for their caliber of writing. I'm realizing now that maybe I'm out of my league with my topic and my style but I guess that doesn't mean I should give up. If and when they turn down my manuscript I'm just gonna start from scratch. Write about something i really know and maybe that will work better for me. Not that anyone cares, just felt like I should put something down in words to remind myself never to give up. Giving up is for suckers.
Fun Facts:
1. Job interview in March in NYC (scream here of excitement) for a teaching position for next fall. Too bad that the job is actually in L.A. and I don't know if I could ever actually see myself moving all the way out there alone just for a job but who knows. It would suck to have to leave everyone behind, including Scott and Pittsburgh of course, but I figure I have my whole life to live in one place near friends and family and what not and what I really need to do now is figure out what I'm doing for me. Teaching has to be in my future because, hello, I'm a genius and need to spread the love. Since Michigan is a black hole of employment and Pennsylvania and the entire midwest is basically the same, i just have to follow the jobs. Wish me luck. If nothing else, it will make for an awesome weekend in The City with Kel and Beth where I'm sure if theres a Jimmy Johns in the vicinity, we'll have one hell of a time.
2. We got two puppies for Christmas. The real obstacle is discovering whether or not they've eaten my entire house by the time I make it back for a visit. Their names are Bridgette and Barnum and they're ridiculously cute and they use that to their advantage like black magic for their mischief. Those eyes and rolly polly bellies suck you in to submission where in the next moment you'll discover they've inhaled four house plants and your power cord for your brand new laptop. yay!
3. Ray Lamontagne's CD "Gossip in the Grain" is so mystical I actually weep when I hear it. Find someone you love and that loves to dance and play "You are the best thing" really loudly while swinging about the livingroom. It reminds you what love is. It reminds me of Beth and Kel.
Alright my sister got The Magic Bullet for Christmas (not exactly what I thought it was going to be when my mom said she bought it for her...moved passed the horror, found out it's a kitchen appliance. thank gawd) and she's going to whip me up an omelette and a smoothie while I stand at the kitchen counter like I'm in an infomercial, telling her the entire time there's no way one little machine can make us so many things. We're also going to crush macadamia nuts in thirty seconds or less into a fine powder. just cause we can.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Monday, December 08, 2008
"We're no longer Sonic Death Monkey.We're on the verge of becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive but for tonight we are Barry Jive and his Uptown five"
I'm feeling very Nick Horby/Rob Gordon this afternoon which is why I've decided before I enlighten you with the crapfest that is my existence, I'll give you my top five favorite movies of all times and why. Aren't you glad you blog with the best?
1. Life as a House because, hello, I measure movies strictly on their ability to make me cry my freakin eyes out and this one takes the cake. Man finds out he has cancer. Man tricks son into loving him again while building a house together. Man leaves son a better man. I don't know the genius behind such a movie script but I want to have his babies. Not only that, this movie made me want to be a man, have cancer, have a son AND build a house. It's unreal. Plus the band Guster is all over this movie like you wouldn't believe, they even name the dog Guster and Hayden Christiansen is so angsty it makes my eyeballs ring black. Awesome. Rent it. Cry your eyes out. Thank God we live in a time where Kevin Kline melts our hearts.
2. The Little Princess. This is strictly my father's fault, as odd as that sounds. He went on this kick when i was like ten where he would take me to the video store and convinced me that Shirley Temple movies were the thing to be watching instead of Macauley Culkin flicks, which, ok, he had a point. She is adorable in this film and while the foreign guy next door with the parrot and the monkey kind of freaked me out for a while, he totally pulled through in the end. All i'm saying is if I had a daughter and I died and my husband went away to war and 'died' and she was left as a penniless orphan in a girls home only to be found later by her father who hadn't actually died but just lost his memory and it's her love that brings him back to reality...i would want her to be like Shirley Temple.
3. Say Anything. Anybody who thinks that John Cusack isn't a stone fox in this movie with a boom box over his head playing Peter Gabriel sap is nuts. "I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen". UGH. Isn't that the epitome of everyones entire love life ever? Isn't it always you giving and someone not giving back what you really need in return? Breaks me. Teaches her to drive (way sexier than having your father teach you outside your dance studio, still in tap shoes, on a monday at like 9 pm when all you can think about is dinner and not wearing a leotard). Tells her father the only plans for his life is to spend as much time with her as possible. (Thats it! Who needs any other plans when youre hopelessly in love?!) And he loves to kick box. That last one doesnt really matter as much but whatever, John Cusack is a dream boat.
4. Drop Dead Fred. I think i love this one because it's terrible. I can't even think of a single positive thing to say about it except that it cracks me up to no end. Vulgar invisible best friend comes back to teach a grown woman that she hasn't out grown him really and needs him now more than ever. The guy looks like Chucky in adult human form, rubs boogers on everything and calls pubic hair "cobwebs". For some reason my parents let me watch this as a kid but I think i'm a well rounded individual because of it. I'm also extremely jealous of anyone who ever had an imaginary friend. Rent it if you can even find it and get ready for some mindless entertainment.
5. Nine Months. Ok, this one just recently made the list because i got to watch it on tv. Normally I'm not a Julianne Moore fan only because recently she's been doing some weird ass films like Blind. Hugh Grant, however, has the capability to make me fall in love with whatever asshat character he's playing, including this guy who is terrified his long term girlfriend becomes pregnant. Not very original, for obvious "we are talking about a man here" reasons but Tom Arnold and Joan Cusack are like the most bizarre best friend couple you could think to put together and Robin Williams is the ape obstetrician from another country constantly screwing things up with an accent. I love Robin Williams accents.
The thing that made me fall in love was the end. Hugh Grant, in this RIDICULOUSLY VALIANT effort for his now wife gets up in the middle of the night with their crying baby. She goes into the livingroom and finds them swaying to Van Morrison's "These are the Days" and he looks to her and says in his freaking adorable british accent:
"I thought we'd have a bit of a dahnce."
(spelled so you can get the full effect of dahnce british accent hunkiness.)
bit of a dance? If i woke up in the middle of the night to find my usually screaming baby and dream boat husband in the living room dancing to freaking van morrison's greatest song ever and he said they were having 'just a bit of a dance' i would lose my mind.
sigh. now i dont even have the energy to do any of my homework or writing stuff.
WHICH is going weirdly well recently. The Key Publishing called me back and the lady was so nice and she set me up with one of their other novelists to get some more research done for my book. The thing i need most right now is an interview with a Sudanese or Darfur refugee (and no kel, i dont think 1-800-undergroundrailroad is really gonna work on this one) so if anyone has any ideas how i can get ahold of one, even if it's only via phone I would be eternally grateful.
dinner time. and by dinner i mean kix cereal.
1. Life as a House because, hello, I measure movies strictly on their ability to make me cry my freakin eyes out and this one takes the cake. Man finds out he has cancer. Man tricks son into loving him again while building a house together. Man leaves son a better man. I don't know the genius behind such a movie script but I want to have his babies. Not only that, this movie made me want to be a man, have cancer, have a son AND build a house. It's unreal. Plus the band Guster is all over this movie like you wouldn't believe, they even name the dog Guster and Hayden Christiansen is so angsty it makes my eyeballs ring black. Awesome. Rent it. Cry your eyes out. Thank God we live in a time where Kevin Kline melts our hearts.
2. The Little Princess. This is strictly my father's fault, as odd as that sounds. He went on this kick when i was like ten where he would take me to the video store and convinced me that Shirley Temple movies were the thing to be watching instead of Macauley Culkin flicks, which, ok, he had a point. She is adorable in this film and while the foreign guy next door with the parrot and the monkey kind of freaked me out for a while, he totally pulled through in the end. All i'm saying is if I had a daughter and I died and my husband went away to war and 'died' and she was left as a penniless orphan in a girls home only to be found later by her father who hadn't actually died but just lost his memory and it's her love that brings him back to reality...i would want her to be like Shirley Temple.
3. Say Anything. Anybody who thinks that John Cusack isn't a stone fox in this movie with a boom box over his head playing Peter Gabriel sap is nuts. "I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen". UGH. Isn't that the epitome of everyones entire love life ever? Isn't it always you giving and someone not giving back what you really need in return? Breaks me. Teaches her to drive (way sexier than having your father teach you outside your dance studio, still in tap shoes, on a monday at like 9 pm when all you can think about is dinner and not wearing a leotard). Tells her father the only plans for his life is to spend as much time with her as possible. (Thats it! Who needs any other plans when youre hopelessly in love?!) And he loves to kick box. That last one doesnt really matter as much but whatever, John Cusack is a dream boat.
4. Drop Dead Fred. I think i love this one because it's terrible. I can't even think of a single positive thing to say about it except that it cracks me up to no end. Vulgar invisible best friend comes back to teach a grown woman that she hasn't out grown him really and needs him now more than ever. The guy looks like Chucky in adult human form, rubs boogers on everything and calls pubic hair "cobwebs". For some reason my parents let me watch this as a kid but I think i'm a well rounded individual because of it. I'm also extremely jealous of anyone who ever had an imaginary friend. Rent it if you can even find it and get ready for some mindless entertainment.
5. Nine Months. Ok, this one just recently made the list because i got to watch it on tv. Normally I'm not a Julianne Moore fan only because recently she's been doing some weird ass films like Blind. Hugh Grant, however, has the capability to make me fall in love with whatever asshat character he's playing, including this guy who is terrified his long term girlfriend becomes pregnant. Not very original, for obvious "we are talking about a man here" reasons but Tom Arnold and Joan Cusack are like the most bizarre best friend couple you could think to put together and Robin Williams is the ape obstetrician from another country constantly screwing things up with an accent. I love Robin Williams accents.
The thing that made me fall in love was the end. Hugh Grant, in this RIDICULOUSLY VALIANT effort for his now wife gets up in the middle of the night with their crying baby. She goes into the livingroom and finds them swaying to Van Morrison's "These are the Days" and he looks to her and says in his freaking adorable british accent:
"I thought we'd have a bit of a dahnce."
(spelled so you can get the full effect of dahnce british accent hunkiness.)
bit of a dance? If i woke up in the middle of the night to find my usually screaming baby and dream boat husband in the living room dancing to freaking van morrison's greatest song ever and he said they were having 'just a bit of a dance' i would lose my mind.
sigh. now i dont even have the energy to do any of my homework or writing stuff.
WHICH is going weirdly well recently. The Key Publishing called me back and the lady was so nice and she set me up with one of their other novelists to get some more research done for my book. The thing i need most right now is an interview with a Sudanese or Darfur refugee (and no kel, i dont think 1-800-undergroundrailroad is really gonna work on this one) so if anyone has any ideas how i can get ahold of one, even if it's only via phone I would be eternally grateful.
dinner time. and by dinner i mean kix cereal.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Due to high demand
I feel like a rock star. Well...a rock writer. Seriously, kids, who knew life in pittsburgh so flipping glamorous? I love that you've bothered me to update you though...it proves I'm not the only one with a strict four website rotation daily and in need of anything new, regardless of the crap it contains.
The latest and greatest didn't even happen in Pittsburgh, but in Minneapolis where Beth and I met up with Kelley last weekend. Simply put it was awesome. Well, ok, it did not start out awesome. It started out with Delta getting me to a gate 15 minutes early but refusing to let me off my plane to make my connection, MISSING my connection after running through the airport with seven strangers like a scene right out of home alone and then crying profusely like a big blubbering idiot at customer service. Luckily, this old lady from Savannah, Georgia, that I sat with on my first flight came out of nowhere like an angel and saved me. Because no one in customer service could understand a flipping thing i was saying in between broken sobs of "minneapolis.....minneapolis...." she had to talk for me and succeeded in getting me a different flight first thing the next morning, a free hotel and free food without my having to say a thing. It was awesome, I don't know if there's like an old lady mafia but if there is, she's the god....mother or whatever.
So the next morning I land in Minneapolis at 7:30 and the girls, bright eyed and bushy tailed (hung over from a wine night of giggling) get me, get bagels, take me to the mall of America, take a group nap on kelley's floor and proceed to our halloween destinations. I was Sarah Palin because, seriously....is there anyone else in the world more horrifying? Beth was the sexiest red riding hood I've seen in my life ("um....beth = gorgeous" I believe is the text message we came across during our evening out) and Kelley was decked out as Cleopatra complete with fake eyelashes that glued themselves to everything BUT her eyes on our way out the door. We spent the night running all over Minneapolis, waving and calling out "Drill baby drill" to strangers and ended the night with beth basically asleep on a side walk, our thirteenth jimmy john sandwiches in hand since we arrived in the city. It was a freakin awesome halloween.
It was so great to see them, i seriously had no idea how much I missed them until I saw their faces. Don't get me wrong, we were exhausted....running on approximately twelve hours of sleep the entire weekend and subject to hysterical fits of laughing at nothing in particular in dollar stores ( who knew they sold pregnancy tests? For a dollar...what is that, like, 14% accuracy?) but still....well worth the two and a half days spent in one another's company. My future goal, when I'm Oprah Rich, is to get us all living in the same city.
Now I'm back. My sister has forced me into the Twilight series like a true loser , I'm getting my first semester of school FINISHED with and working my butt off. I'm also working on finishing up my book and will begin the prostitution process known as publishing hopefully in the near future if I dont kill myself from the infinite number of rejection letters I receive in the mail.
And one last shout out to Barack Obama because, seriously...how amazing. Way to go America. I was seriously doubting, for a minute there due to some of the outlandish things I was hearing, that we might not be progressive enough to get the job done but I'm continually amazed and impressed with our abilities to move forward as a collective unit.
The latest and greatest didn't even happen in Pittsburgh, but in Minneapolis where Beth and I met up with Kelley last weekend. Simply put it was awesome. Well, ok, it did not start out awesome. It started out with Delta getting me to a gate 15 minutes early but refusing to let me off my plane to make my connection, MISSING my connection after running through the airport with seven strangers like a scene right out of home alone and then crying profusely like a big blubbering idiot at customer service. Luckily, this old lady from Savannah, Georgia, that I sat with on my first flight came out of nowhere like an angel and saved me. Because no one in customer service could understand a flipping thing i was saying in between broken sobs of "minneapolis.....minneapolis...." she had to talk for me and succeeded in getting me a different flight first thing the next morning, a free hotel and free food without my having to say a thing. It was awesome, I don't know if there's like an old lady mafia but if there is, she's the god....mother or whatever.
So the next morning I land in Minneapolis at 7:30 and the girls, bright eyed and bushy tailed (hung over from a wine night of giggling) get me, get bagels, take me to the mall of America, take a group nap on kelley's floor and proceed to our halloween destinations. I was Sarah Palin because, seriously....is there anyone else in the world more horrifying? Beth was the sexiest red riding hood I've seen in my life ("um....beth = gorgeous" I believe is the text message we came across during our evening out) and Kelley was decked out as Cleopatra complete with fake eyelashes that glued themselves to everything BUT her eyes on our way out the door. We spent the night running all over Minneapolis, waving and calling out "Drill baby drill" to strangers and ended the night with beth basically asleep on a side walk, our thirteenth jimmy john sandwiches in hand since we arrived in the city. It was a freakin awesome halloween.
It was so great to see them, i seriously had no idea how much I missed them until I saw their faces. Don't get me wrong, we were exhausted....running on approximately twelve hours of sleep the entire weekend and subject to hysterical fits of laughing at nothing in particular in dollar stores ( who knew they sold pregnancy tests? For a dollar...what is that, like, 14% accuracy?) but still....well worth the two and a half days spent in one another's company. My future goal, when I'm Oprah Rich, is to get us all living in the same city.
Now I'm back. My sister has forced me into the Twilight series like a true loser , I'm getting my first semester of school FINISHED with and working my butt off. I'm also working on finishing up my book and will begin the prostitution process known as publishing hopefully in the near future if I dont kill myself from the infinite number of rejection letters I receive in the mail.
And one last shout out to Barack Obama because, seriously...how amazing. Way to go America. I was seriously doubting, for a minute there due to some of the outlandish things I was hearing, that we might not be progressive enough to get the job done but I'm continually amazed and impressed with our abilities to move forward as a collective unit.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Blech
I have the flu. Or as I like to call it, the bubonic plague because it is disgusting and I feel like I'm going to die. Everything hurts....even typing. However, typing this is better than doing my homework that was due two days ago so...anything for a little extra procrastination.
You know, it's weird. I'm pretty sure there was a time in my life when I was younger, like A LOT younger and obviously naive, when I thought things like buying my own groceries and paying my own bills and cleaning my own house would be cool. I could do them the way I wanted instead of the way my mom did them and I would feel like a grownup or some bullshit like that and it would be fun.
However, it is NOT fun. It blows. Buying your own groceries? Never freakin ending. I need food in this house constantly. Who keeps drinking all the damn milk? Where is the diet coke disappearing to? AND everything goes bad. I'm sticking to canned goods and freezer food from here on out because spending 5.00 on a watermelon that I can't finish in the week it takes to go bad is a complete freakin waste. No more fresh cauliflower or lettuce for lunches, bread that gets mushy and then hard in my cupboards, no more! I'm gonna go for that canned peas and frozen pizza lifestyle I hear so much about. It sounds fantastic.
ALSO I must have been on meth when I thought cleaning my own house was a good idea. I mean, there have been times in the past where I've felt great after scouring my apartment top to bottom. HOWEVER, cleaning this pig sty on a weekly basis is appalling. There is hair everywhere and trust me, it all doesnt look like its coming from heads if you catch my drift, which makes it even more upsetting to clean up. Dishes constantly. Everything sticks and dries on the plates, i hate touching damp sponges that have been sitting on the edge of my sink for two days in a pile of ketchup. Crumbs all over the floor. I need to find an illegal immigrant, preferably of the Mexican decent because I hear fabulous things about their skills, and see if they will clean my apartment on a weekly basis for a very low fee because I can't take this much longer.
Sorry I'm such a whiner. Work is going better, I was able to go in and talk to my boss about how terrible it is working there and she was able to make some adjustments to my schedule. I also start observing at Winchester Thurston Upper this week to start my observation hours for class. They said they wouldn't mind me teaching one of the classes some day in the future as part of my ob.hours and that sounds pretty cool. However, i tend to get worked up in those situations and rather than getting anything accomplished I'll probably get up there, vomit and have to go home early. Hooray!
Have to dry my hair, scrounge up something for dinner, finish the homework I've been putting off. Hope everyone had a better weekend than me!
You know, it's weird. I'm pretty sure there was a time in my life when I was younger, like A LOT younger and obviously naive, when I thought things like buying my own groceries and paying my own bills and cleaning my own house would be cool. I could do them the way I wanted instead of the way my mom did them and I would feel like a grownup or some bullshit like that and it would be fun.
However, it is NOT fun. It blows. Buying your own groceries? Never freakin ending. I need food in this house constantly. Who keeps drinking all the damn milk? Where is the diet coke disappearing to? AND everything goes bad. I'm sticking to canned goods and freezer food from here on out because spending 5.00 on a watermelon that I can't finish in the week it takes to go bad is a complete freakin waste. No more fresh cauliflower or lettuce for lunches, bread that gets mushy and then hard in my cupboards, no more! I'm gonna go for that canned peas and frozen pizza lifestyle I hear so much about. It sounds fantastic.
ALSO I must have been on meth when I thought cleaning my own house was a good idea. I mean, there have been times in the past where I've felt great after scouring my apartment top to bottom. HOWEVER, cleaning this pig sty on a weekly basis is appalling. There is hair everywhere and trust me, it all doesnt look like its coming from heads if you catch my drift, which makes it even more upsetting to clean up. Dishes constantly. Everything sticks and dries on the plates, i hate touching damp sponges that have been sitting on the edge of my sink for two days in a pile of ketchup. Crumbs all over the floor. I need to find an illegal immigrant, preferably of the Mexican decent because I hear fabulous things about their skills, and see if they will clean my apartment on a weekly basis for a very low fee because I can't take this much longer.
Sorry I'm such a whiner. Work is going better, I was able to go in and talk to my boss about how terrible it is working there and she was able to make some adjustments to my schedule. I also start observing at Winchester Thurston Upper this week to start my observation hours for class. They said they wouldn't mind me teaching one of the classes some day in the future as part of my ob.hours and that sounds pretty cool. However, i tend to get worked up in those situations and rather than getting anything accomplished I'll probably get up there, vomit and have to go home early. Hooray!
Have to dry my hair, scrounge up something for dinner, finish the homework I've been putting off. Hope everyone had a better weekend than me!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Wanted: Bagel Slicer and Toe Nail Trimmer
Alright kids, I'm on the hunt for a new job. My current employers, aka The Nazi's, are driving me crazy. They were nice for a while, you know, until they lure you into that job comfort zone and then abuse you to the point of no return. SO if you are aware of anyone in the Pittsburgh area who is hiring for anything...and I mean anything (see title of today's blog) please let me know asap so that I may confront my current job, give them the high sign for "eat me" and set the place on fire. Thank you for your help.
Other than that, nothing new here. I'm sick of cleaning up Scotty's lucious locks from the floor on the a weekly basis because the boy sheds like a Grizzly. If winter weren't approaching I would have buzz cut him in his sleep already but I also don't want to listen to him whine about pneumonia and other such nonsense due to his lack of heat retained in the head. The price you pay for love.
Classes are going well, I'm currently becoming an expert on integrating technology into today's classrooms. In case you're curious what that entails, it means I know how to work Power Point, a tv/vcr/dvd combo and an overhead projector. Just give me the A now.
alright, time to clean. sorry i was boring today, i had too much coffee this morning with double fudge mocha creamer and can't sit still.
Other than that, nothing new here. I'm sick of cleaning up Scotty's lucious locks from the floor on the a weekly basis because the boy sheds like a Grizzly. If winter weren't approaching I would have buzz cut him in his sleep already but I also don't want to listen to him whine about pneumonia and other such nonsense due to his lack of heat retained in the head. The price you pay for love.
Classes are going well, I'm currently becoming an expert on integrating technology into today's classrooms. In case you're curious what that entails, it means I know how to work Power Point, a tv/vcr/dvd combo and an overhead projector. Just give me the A now.
alright, time to clean. sorry i was boring today, i had too much coffee this morning with double fudge mocha creamer and can't sit still.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
uh, what?
Just to let everyone know, I'm doing Hot Yoga today. Thank you linsey, this is all your fault.
Also, it's not like i WANTED hot yoga. I just wanted Yoga....period. Get a little stretch on, call it working out, get to wear the cute tank top and exercise pants hoopla, it seemed like a win win situation.
Now i will be sweating my ass of in a ninety degree room with people who probably don't even shower all that often. This can only lead to slippery feet, slippery stretching, kicking someone i don't know in the face and a lawsuit.
exercise doesn't pay. have a donut for me folks.
Also, it's not like i WANTED hot yoga. I just wanted Yoga....period. Get a little stretch on, call it working out, get to wear the cute tank top and exercise pants hoopla, it seemed like a win win situation.
Now i will be sweating my ass of in a ninety degree room with people who probably don't even shower all that often. This can only lead to slippery feet, slippery stretching, kicking someone i don't know in the face and a lawsuit.
exercise doesn't pay. have a donut for me folks.
For Mark...that impatient Bastard
So school has started. Again. I think my new goal is just to see how long I can go to school and keep putting off my student loans. Sure I'll be the most educated individual but also that poorest which would be an anomoly. An anomoly who doesn't know how to spell it apparently.
Anyway, this online learning this is pretty cool except that there's no one around to yell at you, which you start to miss, believe it or not. I log on and look at the due dates forms and all of the sudden i'm like "crap...that's due tomorrow. I dont even know what that is." and then you could take a risk by sending an email to the teacher who will never receive it and respond to it by the time it's actually due so you have to just guess on your own anyway.
did i mention i love school?
Side note: Scott has a canker sore. Not that anyone would care. However he seems to think that I care as he has told me about every few minutes throughout the day today. And in between whines about it. So i told him to do a salt water rinse and five minutes later he comes back to ask me , "Do i swish it or swallow it?"
Good lord, if i hadn't been around to ask he would have swallowed it?
While I'm complaining lets have a good rant about terrible people posing as friends. Not any of you of course. Any friends that I have that i talk to or facebook or receive random Im's from...those are good friends. However, it is inexcusably terrible and a sure sign you're going to hell if you suddenly decide you don't want to be friends with someone so you just...stop talking to them. So this person who you've cut off inexplicably tries contacting you over and over again and you finally meet them in person and you say to their face, "I just don't want to be your friend."
Who does that? What kind of person can say things like that and feel fine about themselves at the end of the day? Losers, thats who. People who deserve to be hit by a bus.
To my friends who are my friends....I wouldn't trade you for the world. For every fight or disagreement we've had, i'm sure we've had a thousand more laughs and memories and thats what having friends is all about. You never know if one day you'll wake up and one will be gone, not by choice, but just because thats the way the world wanted it to be. Treasure your friends, take care of them, and make sure they know what they mean to you.
Sap over chumps. My love for you only lasts in spurts. Moving on to work, which is driving me nuts. If national city doesnt fire me for simply my decrease in productivity, all they need to do is check out my internet access, fax machine usage and email correspondance as on a daily basis i send out more resumes than I know what to do with. I think i applied for a rodeo clown position the other day, simply because anything would be better than sitting listening to someone whos just a little power hungry rant and rave about something i did wrong. Also, its not that i actually did something wrong. they're just stupid and so it appears wrong to them. trust me it's right. I have two college degrees (and a third pending) that says so.
Pittsburgh is good though. Was nice and chilly today for the first time and I'm pretty sure I smelled fall approaching.I can't wait for all the trees to change. Pittsburgh is awesome in that it's a city that sits in like...a bowl....and the sides of the bowl are forests. I need friends to come visit. We'll drive around, you'll experience the wonder, you'll ship your things here first class and you can live in our second bedroom. scott won't mind. i just hope you don't mind listening to him complain. incessantly. about a canker sore.
alright, it's time for bed. yes, i realize it's only 7:30 but thats what happens when you become a pseudo adult with a semi real full time job. you become lame.
LOVE.
Anyway, this online learning this is pretty cool except that there's no one around to yell at you, which you start to miss, believe it or not. I log on and look at the due dates forms and all of the sudden i'm like "crap...that's due tomorrow. I dont even know what that is." and then you could take a risk by sending an email to the teacher who will never receive it and respond to it by the time it's actually due so you have to just guess on your own anyway.
did i mention i love school?
Side note: Scott has a canker sore. Not that anyone would care. However he seems to think that I care as he has told me about every few minutes throughout the day today. And in between whines about it. So i told him to do a salt water rinse and five minutes later he comes back to ask me , "Do i swish it or swallow it?"
Good lord, if i hadn't been around to ask he would have swallowed it?
While I'm complaining lets have a good rant about terrible people posing as friends. Not any of you of course. Any friends that I have that i talk to or facebook or receive random Im's from...those are good friends. However, it is inexcusably terrible and a sure sign you're going to hell if you suddenly decide you don't want to be friends with someone so you just...stop talking to them. So this person who you've cut off inexplicably tries contacting you over and over again and you finally meet them in person and you say to their face, "I just don't want to be your friend."
Who does that? What kind of person can say things like that and feel fine about themselves at the end of the day? Losers, thats who. People who deserve to be hit by a bus.
To my friends who are my friends....I wouldn't trade you for the world. For every fight or disagreement we've had, i'm sure we've had a thousand more laughs and memories and thats what having friends is all about. You never know if one day you'll wake up and one will be gone, not by choice, but just because thats the way the world wanted it to be. Treasure your friends, take care of them, and make sure they know what they mean to you.
Sap over chumps. My love for you only lasts in spurts. Moving on to work, which is driving me nuts. If national city doesnt fire me for simply my decrease in productivity, all they need to do is check out my internet access, fax machine usage and email correspondance as on a daily basis i send out more resumes than I know what to do with. I think i applied for a rodeo clown position the other day, simply because anything would be better than sitting listening to someone whos just a little power hungry rant and rave about something i did wrong. Also, its not that i actually did something wrong. they're just stupid and so it appears wrong to them. trust me it's right. I have two college degrees (and a third pending) that says so.
Pittsburgh is good though. Was nice and chilly today for the first time and I'm pretty sure I smelled fall approaching.I can't wait for all the trees to change. Pittsburgh is awesome in that it's a city that sits in like...a bowl....and the sides of the bowl are forests. I need friends to come visit. We'll drive around, you'll experience the wonder, you'll ship your things here first class and you can live in our second bedroom. scott won't mind. i just hope you don't mind listening to him complain. incessantly. about a canker sore.
alright, it's time for bed. yes, i realize it's only 7:30 but thats what happens when you become a pseudo adult with a semi real full time job. you become lame.
LOVE.
Friday, July 25, 2008
James Patterson is a Hack
Why do old men think that they can do whatever they want? I mean, I see this on a regular basis. My father, though he's not like ancient, is approaching the relative term of "old" in age and is convinced he looks like a stallion and that it's practical for him to be walking around on roofs still, cleaning out gutters and what not. Ridiculous.
I see old men customers at work who think I.D. and verification of who they are simply because they're crazy ass old are not necessary. Being old and being male does not make you invincible. Or a rocket scientist.
James Patterson is one of these crazy old men. I don't know if he thinks he's the next Nicholas Sparks or what, but do not under any circumstance pick up a copy of his "Sunday's at Tiffany's" and think it will be any good, because it's not. It blows. I can only assume that he thought to himself "I need to get into the psyche of the female mind...a single, female living in New York...I know, I'll watch ONE EPISODE OF SEX AND THE CITY and that's all I need". He names drops things like Matthew Mcconaughey and Jimmy Choo and suddenly...what....he thinks hes encaptured a woman? His writing style is juvenile, mediocre at best....he tries to be hip by using lingo and starting off chapters like entries to a journal. It just annoys me. The man is making a fortune because he's good at writing murder mysteries...Kiss the Girls, 3rd Degree, whatever and suddenly he decides he wants to write cheesy poof tales and people eat them up. Why? They suck. Don't do it. My first ever book review and it was a rant like a lunatic. Super.
Speaking of Matthew Mcconaughey, he got boat loads of crazy eh? Pick up a copy of his interview put in thesuperficial.com....he talks about how the birth of his baby was like a tribal dance of some kind and they were 'jammin' and the only pictures i ever see of him these days are him running all over the beach like some surfer with no life and it's just bizarre. What happened to old matthew? To "How to lose a guy" matthew? Now he's just a nut with a kid. OH and to top it all off his brother is even crazier. His son's name is something retarded like Miller Lyte and the last picture i saw of him pictured a two year old with a giant red afro of hair. Special. The McConaughey's are nuts.
Alright, drunken zoo time. Plus Scott went and did the grocery shopping today, cleaned the apartment AND is making dinner. I'm lucky to have him and not a guy like the loser who lives across the street. Tonight, as we were coming inside we heard him yell, probably from his reclining chair in front of "The Price is Right", "You better not touch my Tv Dinner!".
Priceless.
I see old men customers at work who think I.D. and verification of who they are simply because they're crazy ass old are not necessary. Being old and being male does not make you invincible. Or a rocket scientist.
James Patterson is one of these crazy old men. I don't know if he thinks he's the next Nicholas Sparks or what, but do not under any circumstance pick up a copy of his "Sunday's at Tiffany's" and think it will be any good, because it's not. It blows. I can only assume that he thought to himself "I need to get into the psyche of the female mind...a single, female living in New York...I know, I'll watch ONE EPISODE OF SEX AND THE CITY and that's all I need". He names drops things like Matthew Mcconaughey and Jimmy Choo and suddenly...what....he thinks hes encaptured a woman? His writing style is juvenile, mediocre at best....he tries to be hip by using lingo and starting off chapters like entries to a journal. It just annoys me. The man is making a fortune because he's good at writing murder mysteries...Kiss the Girls, 3rd Degree, whatever and suddenly he decides he wants to write cheesy poof tales and people eat them up. Why? They suck. Don't do it. My first ever book review and it was a rant like a lunatic. Super.
Speaking of Matthew Mcconaughey, he got boat loads of crazy eh? Pick up a copy of his interview put in thesuperficial.com....he talks about how the birth of his baby was like a tribal dance of some kind and they were 'jammin' and the only pictures i ever see of him these days are him running all over the beach like some surfer with no life and it's just bizarre. What happened to old matthew? To "How to lose a guy" matthew? Now he's just a nut with a kid. OH and to top it all off his brother is even crazier. His son's name is something retarded like Miller Lyte and the last picture i saw of him pictured a two year old with a giant red afro of hair. Special. The McConaughey's are nuts.
Alright, drunken zoo time. Plus Scott went and did the grocery shopping today, cleaned the apartment AND is making dinner. I'm lucky to have him and not a guy like the loser who lives across the street. Tonight, as we were coming inside we heard him yell, probably from his reclining chair in front of "The Price is Right", "You better not touch my Tv Dinner!".
Priceless.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
The anniversary of coffee and a threat
So one year ago today I cornered Scott at a National Coney Island. Over the scariest cup of coffee he's ever had in his life, after months of refusing to be committed to anyone in any sort of long term relationship, I gave him the "it's now or never buddy" and like a scared little man who didn't know what else to do but sip and nod...he agreed.
I asked him this morning if he could have imagined then where we'd be now and he said "I would have run screaming" which is ALWAYS a positive indication of your relationship. Dork.
Because I'm feeling mushy I'll just come out and say that he's my other half. He believes in me and things that I don't even believe I'm capable of. He's brilliant and adorable and I can't imagine being anywhere but here with him. However, I might just be feeling this way due to the enormous mound of pancakes he made this morning for breakfast but whatever. Love is love.
I got tickets for free cocktails on Friday at the zoo of all places. For some reason I was surprised just because I dont think the family center of a zoo is the optimal place to be handing our free cocktails. Three beers later people can be seen waving hotdogs at the bears in their cages or danging their children over the polar bear tanks and it just sounds like a poor idea to me. However, I do think I'll be going mainly because I can't pass up the opportunity to drink AND impersonate the penguins at the same time and I feel with a beer in my hand, I'll get less crazy stares.
Later, if i don't get eaten by a hippopotamus. (Watch the discovery channel...those things mean business)
I asked him this morning if he could have imagined then where we'd be now and he said "I would have run screaming" which is ALWAYS a positive indication of your relationship. Dork.
Because I'm feeling mushy I'll just come out and say that he's my other half. He believes in me and things that I don't even believe I'm capable of. He's brilliant and adorable and I can't imagine being anywhere but here with him. However, I might just be feeling this way due to the enormous mound of pancakes he made this morning for breakfast but whatever. Love is love.
I got tickets for free cocktails on Friday at the zoo of all places. For some reason I was surprised just because I dont think the family center of a zoo is the optimal place to be handing our free cocktails. Three beers later people can be seen waving hotdogs at the bears in their cages or danging their children over the polar bear tanks and it just sounds like a poor idea to me. However, I do think I'll be going mainly because I can't pass up the opportunity to drink AND impersonate the penguins at the same time and I feel with a beer in my hand, I'll get less crazy stares.
Later, if i don't get eaten by a hippopotamus. (Watch the discovery channel...those things mean business)
Sunday, July 20, 2008
"My mind is 3 TIMES BETTER than a machine"
I have only one statement to sum up my day : Bitches be crazy.
I don't even understand how someone can come into a bank and cause a rucous like some of the nonsense I see on a daily basis. My entire life I've felt it unnecessary to even speak above a whisper at a bank because I just assumed you could be arrested and carried out for- -well, whatever they want to kick you out for. It's a bank. It's like a cathedral in Rome....it's sacred and quiet and they can escort whoever they want, whenever they want.
Except in Pittsburgh. Where captain crazy pants came in today and discovered her account was 368.00 in the hole. Upon discovery she went from person to person at the bank demanding refunds and her money back and blah blah blah only to be shot down repeatedly while a security guard walked behind her just WAITING for the signal to shoot her.
So she finally comes up to the desk and withdrawls like...i dunno, less than 200.00 from her savings account because she has declared she's taking "ALL HER MONEY FROM THIS BANK...THEY CAN MAKE A FOOL OUT OF SOMEONE ELSE". I don't think it's necessary to point out who's being a fool at this point, but whatever. The entire time she's being waited on she's ranting and raving, lunatic style, about how her mind is a steel trap of information. She KNOWS she didn't do this to her account. She has a mind that works three times better than any machine and computer can. We're a bunch of idiots compared to this rocket scientist. She then proceeds to put in the wrong password to her debit card TWICE, gets her cash and finally leaves. Awesome.
I'm checking monster.com as we speak. Not because I hate my job so much I feel I should leave. Mainly because she's not the scariest individual I've had in that building in the two weeks I've been there and know before the month is out that building will be burned to the ground by some crazy who's fighting us over a 36.00 overdraft charge.
Made sloppy joes for dinner and am SUPER excited for Big Bang Theory tonight. Something about nerds that just gets me all excited. Explains my choice in boyfriend :).
I don't even understand how someone can come into a bank and cause a rucous like some of the nonsense I see on a daily basis. My entire life I've felt it unnecessary to even speak above a whisper at a bank because I just assumed you could be arrested and carried out for- -well, whatever they want to kick you out for. It's a bank. It's like a cathedral in Rome....it's sacred and quiet and they can escort whoever they want, whenever they want.
Except in Pittsburgh. Where captain crazy pants came in today and discovered her account was 368.00 in the hole. Upon discovery she went from person to person at the bank demanding refunds and her money back and blah blah blah only to be shot down repeatedly while a security guard walked behind her just WAITING for the signal to shoot her.
So she finally comes up to the desk and withdrawls like...i dunno, less than 200.00 from her savings account because she has declared she's taking "ALL HER MONEY FROM THIS BANK...THEY CAN MAKE A FOOL OUT OF SOMEONE ELSE". I don't think it's necessary to point out who's being a fool at this point, but whatever. The entire time she's being waited on she's ranting and raving, lunatic style, about how her mind is a steel trap of information. She KNOWS she didn't do this to her account. She has a mind that works three times better than any machine and computer can. We're a bunch of idiots compared to this rocket scientist. She then proceeds to put in the wrong password to her debit card TWICE, gets her cash and finally leaves. Awesome.
I'm checking monster.com as we speak. Not because I hate my job so much I feel I should leave. Mainly because she's not the scariest individual I've had in that building in the two weeks I've been there and know before the month is out that building will be burned to the ground by some crazy who's fighting us over a 36.00 overdraft charge.
Made sloppy joes for dinner and am SUPER excited for Big Bang Theory tonight. Something about nerds that just gets me all excited. Explains my choice in boyfriend :).
Week 2
I know....I think I was supposed to start with week 1. However, week 1 was difficult enough without having to talk about how difficult it was. But scott and i are here. We're alive, we're melting from this awful heat, but we're ok. I feel like I have too many to get ahold of individually but just not enough time to do so. Ok, so maybe I have the time but not the energy.
July 4th weekend (definitely not my first choice when deciding to haul everything I own across three states) we packed up and followed a tsunami into Pittsburgh where my mom and dad, his mom and sister walked everything we own up a flight of stairs in the rain starting at 4:30 in the morning. Needless to say it was chaotic and full of yelling and arguing and wet and muddy and a long freakin weekend.
It's nice now though. The apartment is way more than I anticipated it would be. Everything is clean and matches which doesn't usually happen when you've got a hodge podge of your grandmother's basement items and a friend from your mom's work giving you used crock pots and discolored couches to live off of. (The couch has a 'lovin stain'. I don't ask and just avoid that particular cushion. Beggars can't be choosers.)
My new job is great, everyone is friendly and the only bad thing about it is that it's less than two miles away but takes fifteen minutes by car because of traffic. Why dont you walk, you say? Because while my neighborhood is friendly and full of old, italian women and little dirty children, my neighborhood I work in is like Bums Isle. Apparently no one in the city of Pittsburgh has to get a real job when they can just loiter outside a Steel City Rib joint all day begging for spare change and screaming at drivers they're almost causing fatal accidents with. So, I choose to drive. Sure, I might hit one of them, but if i have another run in with crazy rhonda who likes to sit outside the local Midas, i might not make it another day in this town. City living is a lot different from suburbs.
We also had a slight problem with our mail man in that he's a idiot with no teeth. It all started when we started getting nasty notes on letters from the girls I used to sit for or housewarming cards from our mother's.... "Put your name on your mailbox!" Big, ugly, 'I barely passed second grade' handwriting. Now, it's not so much that the note was rude, or that it was written all over pieces of mail that I would like to cherish and keep in a scrapbook like the big dumb girl I am. My main problem was that the mailbox isn't ours to just go out and start writing on with a sharpee or putting stickers on. So what does this moron do? He stops coming to the house all together. Netflix were going unattended. We received no bills, no letters, nothing for three days. It was absurd. So absurd that I had to waste a saturday going down to the post office and speaking with a slow supervisor, who had me come back at quitting time to confront our mail man in person. Turns out...you HAVE to put your name on your mailbox. How it is that I went 23 years WITHOUT my name on my mailbox makes no sense. OH and here's another treat...picking up your mail is a COURTESY. How is that even possible? How is that for years my parents have been putting up the little red flag on our box and the mail has been picked up, that i've been putting it in every drop box or mail holder or whatever the entire time i've lived on my own and never ONCE had a crazy, toothless mail man tell me that he doesn't even have to pick up my mail? What's the point of having a box? If you have to go to the post office to send your mail, why not just get one of those post office boxes that's labeled with a number so all the randoms don't know who lives in every house on the block because it's written in bright lettering on your mailbox outside?
The mail system confuses me. I hate that that skinny, no toothed, vengeful loser of a mailman gets paid 21.00/hr (according to the Pittsburgh want ads for the usps) by writing on strangers mail and skipping whatever house he feels like when it comes to picking up the mail. It's appalling. I'm going to start cherry bombing random post boxes shawn hunter style as an act of defiance. I'll get kicked out of pittsburgh quicker than it took me to move in.
Speaking of, we still don't have all our boxes un packed. We have a box of mirrors that are supposed to go up as decoration somewhere from my mom but scott suddenly decided that mirrors "freak him out". I didn't even know how to respond to that. So they sit in the dining room next to our unopened dart board and fooseball table. No mirrors, no darts. I should try to be more understanding though. There are currently two pictures of babies in teacups in the bathroom that I know he's not too pleased about. Well whatever, i let him put up a giant poster of Bob Marley looking all strung out in the dining room which is not exactly "company worthy' if you catch my drift.
Alright, time to catch some sleep. I don't know how people do this 'full time job' nonsense. Getting up every day at the same time and working the whole day? It's crap. I need to find a new career. Preferably one that requires sleeping in, making cupcakes and playing with puppies all day long. I'll check the want ads tomorrow.
July 4th weekend (definitely not my first choice when deciding to haul everything I own across three states) we packed up and followed a tsunami into Pittsburgh where my mom and dad, his mom and sister walked everything we own up a flight of stairs in the rain starting at 4:30 in the morning. Needless to say it was chaotic and full of yelling and arguing and wet and muddy and a long freakin weekend.
It's nice now though. The apartment is way more than I anticipated it would be. Everything is clean and matches which doesn't usually happen when you've got a hodge podge of your grandmother's basement items and a friend from your mom's work giving you used crock pots and discolored couches to live off of. (The couch has a 'lovin stain'. I don't ask and just avoid that particular cushion. Beggars can't be choosers.)
My new job is great, everyone is friendly and the only bad thing about it is that it's less than two miles away but takes fifteen minutes by car because of traffic. Why dont you walk, you say? Because while my neighborhood is friendly and full of old, italian women and little dirty children, my neighborhood I work in is like Bums Isle. Apparently no one in the city of Pittsburgh has to get a real job when they can just loiter outside a Steel City Rib joint all day begging for spare change and screaming at drivers they're almost causing fatal accidents with. So, I choose to drive. Sure, I might hit one of them, but if i have another run in with crazy rhonda who likes to sit outside the local Midas, i might not make it another day in this town. City living is a lot different from suburbs.
We also had a slight problem with our mail man in that he's a idiot with no teeth. It all started when we started getting nasty notes on letters from the girls I used to sit for or housewarming cards from our mother's.... "Put your name on your mailbox!" Big, ugly, 'I barely passed second grade' handwriting. Now, it's not so much that the note was rude, or that it was written all over pieces of mail that I would like to cherish and keep in a scrapbook like the big dumb girl I am. My main problem was that the mailbox isn't ours to just go out and start writing on with a sharpee or putting stickers on. So what does this moron do? He stops coming to the house all together. Netflix were going unattended. We received no bills, no letters, nothing for three days. It was absurd. So absurd that I had to waste a saturday going down to the post office and speaking with a slow supervisor, who had me come back at quitting time to confront our mail man in person. Turns out...you HAVE to put your name on your mailbox. How it is that I went 23 years WITHOUT my name on my mailbox makes no sense. OH and here's another treat...picking up your mail is a COURTESY. How is that even possible? How is that for years my parents have been putting up the little red flag on our box and the mail has been picked up, that i've been putting it in every drop box or mail holder or whatever the entire time i've lived on my own and never ONCE had a crazy, toothless mail man tell me that he doesn't even have to pick up my mail? What's the point of having a box? If you have to go to the post office to send your mail, why not just get one of those post office boxes that's labeled with a number so all the randoms don't know who lives in every house on the block because it's written in bright lettering on your mailbox outside?
The mail system confuses me. I hate that that skinny, no toothed, vengeful loser of a mailman gets paid 21.00/hr (according to the Pittsburgh want ads for the usps) by writing on strangers mail and skipping whatever house he feels like when it comes to picking up the mail. It's appalling. I'm going to start cherry bombing random post boxes shawn hunter style as an act of defiance. I'll get kicked out of pittsburgh quicker than it took me to move in.
Speaking of, we still don't have all our boxes un packed. We have a box of mirrors that are supposed to go up as decoration somewhere from my mom but scott suddenly decided that mirrors "freak him out". I didn't even know how to respond to that. So they sit in the dining room next to our unopened dart board and fooseball table. No mirrors, no darts. I should try to be more understanding though. There are currently two pictures of babies in teacups in the bathroom that I know he's not too pleased about. Well whatever, i let him put up a giant poster of Bob Marley looking all strung out in the dining room which is not exactly "company worthy' if you catch my drift.
Alright, time to catch some sleep. I don't know how people do this 'full time job' nonsense. Getting up every day at the same time and working the whole day? It's crap. I need to find a new career. Preferably one that requires sleeping in, making cupcakes and playing with puppies all day long. I'll check the want ads tomorrow.