Seriously not a post for dudes

So I've spent maybe forty minutes today trying to figure out how to design my webpage and have come to the conclusion that it is Effing Hard. My only hope is to hire some small, experienced teenage boy to create my master piece in hope that he is willing to be paid in M&M's and a little eye flirtation because I don't know if you know this but student teaching doesn't pay well. As in, at all. As in I'm pretty sure it was designed by communists, but whatever, moving on.

What happens when girls are sitting at home with one giant task looming over their shoulders and absolutely no enthusiasm with which to complete it? We surf the net for our dream wedding items. Don't even lie, every chic knows she does this. And dudes, yes, your girl is included. She might have said, "I don't know babe, I thought I'd watch a Lifetime movie on my couch, maybe run to Payless for their BOGO sale" on a carefree Saturday, but nay...don't be fooled. She's totally Googling your future together and at one point was a mere click away from reserving a beach house in Brazil for her dream destination nuptials because she was really hoping by that date in 2012 you'd have already proposed. Does your girlfriend have the day off? Does she currently spend a lot of time at home on the weekends with "no real plans"? Welp, sucker, you've been warned.

ANYWAY my real point I'm trying to get at, in all of my Crazed Woman Googling, was the fact that I came across Vera Wang's website. Now, I stumble on her site maybe once every other year because for the most part I convince myself that "Vera is too cliche to get married in..OF COURSE people expect Vera...no no, I need something different" when the real truth is that even looking at her site is enough to make my bank account flounder into nonexistence and I can't be tempted to even make one more click on the A-line ball gowns. I can't. Baby Kittens in Africa die every time I click through her site, it's just that detrimental, I'm sure of it.

Alas, today I was so bored I did it and can I just say, Vera has gone a...different route recently. Maybe I'm just not hip. Maybe I'm not with it enough to find things that are truly fashionable to be so. I mean, I totally didn't get it when neons came back a couple of years ago and I am still grappling with the concept of witch pointed heels, something my closest friends pull off quite adorably I might add. So, maybe it's me. Maybe I'm completely off when it comes to Vera's ingenious creations.

HOWEVER, there is something...scratch that, SEVERAL THINGS so totally off putting to me about this.
Like the fact that she's clearly starving. And, do wreaths count as veils? Seriously? I mean, I always thought the conundrum was "To Veil or Not To Veil...that IS the question" when really, all along, it could have been "To Veil or To Use Backwoods Pine".
LASTLY...she's going straight from ceremony, to reception, to star in A Midsummer Night's Dream, right? This outfit is threefold.

I don't know. I just don't get it. And I'm pretty sure if Beth and Kelley saw me sauntering down the aisle (yes, clearly she is sauntering and pouting like all brides dream of on their big day) they would AUDIBLY GASP before ripping me from my groom's clutches and dragging me back to the dressing room with questions like,
"You didn't think you needed to brush your hair today, AT ALL?" and "A Wreath? Really, Ash? A WREATH??"

I have too much time on my hands.