Me: SIGH. What. What is wrong with my toe nails?
Mom: They're looking a little long.
Me: They're fine.
Mom: Are those my pants you're wearing?
Me: What? No. Why?
Mom: They look like mine.
Me: They're not yours.
Mom: I'll bet they're mine.
Me: Woman, they're not. Get off me.
Mom:....Is this a bad time to ask you to pack me a lunch for tomorrow?
Me: After you've insulted my hygiene and accused me of theft? Certainly not.
Mom: I'd like a bagel please.
Me: We need to talk about your people skills.
Mom: How do you get those toe nails into SOCKS? Don't they just tear right through?
Me: NO, MOM. THEY DON'T. I make sure to wrap them up in the pants I've stolen from you first and then just wear shoes big enough to fit them.
Mom: Those ARE my pants.
Me: I'm going to spit in your bagel.
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