I Think I Need A Prescription

When do you reach the age where you're fully aware that the level of annoyance you have with everything in the world is equal to how annoyed the entire team of Super Troopers is with Officer Farva?

(if you haven't seen Super Troopers? Sad.)

Anyway, how do you start self-medicating? At what point do you say to yourself, 'Holy CRAP am I hostile with people?'.

This reminds me of my cat, as do most things since I've moved home. I get a little annoyed with her because we get into bed at night and I lay down first and then she finds a spot to lay down that is EXTREMELY inconvenient around one of my legs, you know, so that if I were to move it even the tiniest bit it would only end in my kicking her right in the noggin, and HEAVENFORBID the television should get a tiny bit too loud or I laugh aloud at something on my computer because she lifts her head up slightly with this LOOK on her face, like, I dunno, I just murdered a thousand puppies with my evil ways, and I'm all 'WHAT?' and her face is so clearly telling me "YOU". Like this:


And just when I think there couldn't be a bigger bitch on the face of this Earth than my stupid cat and her old lady ways, Scott will come over to eat dinner and watch a movie and I'll be staring at him and he's like 'What?" and I'm like, "That NOISE" and he's like, "my chewing or my breathing?" and I'm all "Stop. Both of those things" and suddenly, I'm just like my cat.

There's a pill for craziness like that, right? You can just go to your regular physician, sit down on that crinkly butt paper and simply explain, 'I'm turning into my cat' and he'll be all "Ah ha! You need Xanax. And more booze of course," and I'll be like, "Dude, I knew that was the problem. Of COURSE the answer is always more booze."

Crap. Now I'm wondering if it's too late to go back and get my M.D.