Dear Mom,I know you're going to be disappointed in me. I mean, not in the grand scheme of things. Overall, I'm a pretty decent kid. I'm 25 years old and have made it so far without any major occurances in my life that you should be ashamed of. No illegitimate children or failed marriages - I've never killed anybody and as far as I know, my only addiction is two bottles of wine on a fairly awful day followed by two fairly awful days due to a red wine hangover.
In fact, why don't you just take a moment to relish in all that having a 25 year old who's not in jail means to you? I'm pretty sure you'll find that you have plenty to be thankful for. Don't worry, you can send me a card in the mail later.
Now, let's get down to the nitty gritty. The bare facts. The essentials of why I've written.
I bought this dress today, and I'm here to tell you I'm not even ashamed. NOW STOP RIGHT THERE. I KNOW what you're going to say. You're going to get all "Hey, aren't you unemployed?" and "Wait a minute, didn't you donate blood last month for extra money to go to the movies?!" and sure. I'll admit it when I'm a loser with no career and months ahead of me where I'll be potentially penniless and homeless and this is probably pretty careless of me. All the "less's".
But I don't care.
It has PLEATS. Do you know what pleats can do for a woman? Do you know what pleats can do for my soul? And it was on SALE. This is the dress that will undoubtedly get me that dream job. Can't you see me leading a classroom full of English Lovers in this dress? Can't you see me swishing back and forth, up and down the aisles as I rant and rave about Chaucer and Dickens and Hemingway in these pleats? Can't you see me getting proposed to on a park bench in these pleats?!
Because I can. And it's glorious. This dress will help all my dreams come true. Just as you once held my new-born form in your arms and said to yourself, "This is the thing that will make it all right in the world", so will I with this dress.
Love, Ash
P.S. Please....send rent money.
2 comments:
Dear lord its BEAUTIFUL. You need it. It's worth every penny, I adore the pleats.
lovelovelove.
I knew you would. I said to myself, "If there's one person who will appreciate these pleats, it's beth." Guess what it's called. Pleats and Thank You. LE SIGH.
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