Remember A Year Ago...

When I did a moment to moment blogging of The Grammy's? It was the most fun I've had blogging in...like, ever. That and people kept coming back to see it months later which makes no sense and we all know what a whore I am for stat kickers. Whatever, I'm all about judging celebrities as well. Let the judgements begin. also, can't explain why this underlined. too tired to figure out how to undo it. blargh.

-Let's start by skipping Lady Gaga because it's just too easy. WAIT. It just became a dirt-face-off with Elton John. I don't even know the song. No one's paying attention anyway. They're just wondering if she's keeping all of her magical powers in her green glitter shoulder pads this evening and if this number will end in faux-blood and tears.

-I'm sorry, didn't Greenday play 21 Guns last year, too? I can appreciate their attempt at an EXTREME AMOUNT OF BACK UP SINGERS, but seriously. A song is a song.

-If they don't stop promoting this craptastic "When In Rome" movie, people might actually go see it which will only end in the Apocalypse. Also, is Josh Duhamel drunk because he acts like he has no clue he's even on stage?

-Je-SUS Taylor Swift stop acting so G.D. surprised every time you win something. I mean, I LOVE her...and that statuesque blue glitter gown she's wearing. But come on. It's in the bag, sweetheart. Your competition is Carrie Underwood and that's it. You have a 50% chance of robbing The Grammy's this year.God. When do I get to start wearing blue glitter gowns? When will I win a Grammy?

-Then Beyonce sang. And the entire world stopped for a moment mystified by her thighs and vocals. Thighs first, though. GIANTSQUEALINGBRAKESOUNDS why is she singing Alanis Morrisette?! And with the White Snake hair whip...oh lord. I mean, don't get me wrong, she is OWNING this song. She's just also scaring all the little children. And the small part of me stuck in the 7th grade who is a die hard Alanis fan with my best friend Jill, jamming to Jagged Little Pill in my mom's van. NO ONE UNDERSTOOD US IN THE 7TH GRADE, IT WAS A TUMULTUOUS TIME IN OUR LIVES.

-I was going to tell Pink that no one was buying her Mother Theresa of Vegas outfit, but of course, she's essentially naked in stripes and sprinkles. Oh, and now she's wet.

-How ridiculous is it that the entire time Black Eyed Peas is performing, with Fergie's metal corset/crotch cover and intense strobe lights and the silver shoulder pads of....oh crap, what are the other band members names....anyway, all I can think about...and I mean ALL I CAN THINK is that "i'mabe" is not a word. Not even a little bit. Not even a smidge.

-Challenge: Name one song by the Jonas Brothers that hit the radio last year. Oh that's right, Radio Disney doesn't count. Ohhh, swoongasm, Lady Antebellum is playing. Side note: I recently made "Need You Now" my ringtone, which is only slightly confusing as I stole it from my mother and every time the phone rings, we look to one another first as if caught up in a frantic dare of "Is it yours or mine?" when neither of us wants to be the one to get up and look. I don't know why we bother. 99% of the time it's her. I'm sorely unpopular and people hit her up for cash often. Sorry, sorry, my point being is that Lady Antebellum is fantastic and The JoBros blow me.

-Wait, what? Best Comedy Album is a category? LAME. OHSAVEUS Weird Al Yankovic is still ALIVE??? LAMER.

-Poor Norah Jones' Grammy moment was ruined by some technical difficulties in the video department. Also, how does one decide what the record of the YEAR is? Like, of all the music the entire year, Kings of Leon REALLY was the ULTIMATE record? That's just false. Not true. Incorrect. And what does this prove? That Twilight girls have taken over the world. Fear not Obama-opposers. 2012 brings Stephanie Meyer as president, tax cuts for those who donate blood and Church of the Latter Day Robert Pattinson's.

-Katy Perry is NOT dressed like fruit. Surprise. Alice in Chains looks close to death.

Not surprised. Green Day STILL SINGING 21 GUNS. surprise, surprise. Also, why must they dress like they're characters in a Tim Burton movie? We get it, you've been edgy and cool since I was a twinkle in Baby Jesus' eye. Put on a pastel, it will not kill you. I PROMISE. You look like you're starring in Tim Burton's "A Nightmare before Edward Scissorhands sent you back to Wonderland". But nerdier.

- Taylor Swift and Stevie Nicks. I didn't actually see that coming. I mean, I should have. I don't have much more to say about it. It's completely lackluster and no one is even wearing a cool dress or hooker boots. You Belong With Me features a banjo suddenly and sounds mildly folky and childish. What is HAPPENING child?? 3 years of hard work led up to this craptastic moment of blonde boredom?! I refuse to comment any further.

-Who IS this fugly band with loads of talent?

- Myself and FactorygrlAshli spent the entirety of the Michael Jackson tribute discussing our undying lurv for Jennifer Hudson, how fantastic yet flashy Carrie Underwood's dress is and how pissed off we were that we a) didn't get 3D glasses and b) were suffering from nauseousness from said 3D experience. Alright, it might have been more me than her but I don't like to be alone in my complaints. So thank you darlin.

and just like last year, my interest in the Grammy's came to a screeching and deafening halt. I'm sorry, I don't listen to rap and r&b or classical, big band or know who the old dude is on stage that can't seem to get the envelope open. I can't even be bothered to see album of the year or watch Mary J. Blige and I'm pretty sure I like her. She's got spunk.

Also, I hate to be a party pooper Jay-Z but I'm not the only fool who remembered you retired a number of years ago. You know what happens in retirement, right? You go away and never come back because you've died. Those are the rules. Just ask any old person.

tirednowthanksforthelovegrammys. until next year.